I find in life many people lack self-confidence and this blog post explains some of the science behind what can build it, what causes it, and how I personally feel that this skill is the one basic reason many people do not reach their potential in all aspects of life.
I came from a place not so long ago that stripped my self-confidence and self-esteem to the bare bone, but it is not a skill that is dictated by your childhood or forced upon you, it can be acquired and changed at any point in life. Life is not a river that always flows in a certain set path, if you want change - you must believe always in your heart it is possible. Persistence allows water to carve through rock, so if you feel that canyon is preventing you and that flow - consider this an illusion.
Everyone has the capacity of lacking confidence. Even the strongest people are not impervious to the knocks and doubts. Do not believe for a moment that any true champion is a beacon of self-confidence and self-esteem. I can tell you now in their darkest hour they are not infallible.
The driving force behind every mind is the constant hum of the motor and it can falter and stall and stop, at any point, for me personally this can occur at any minute of the day, but the strength to reignite it is a skill you can learn to apply like a trusted mechanic - you trust in yourself you have the ability and capability to fix things.
What are some of the negative effects of a lack of this skill?
The general thought process is what many people think and live by on a day to day mindset: I cannot do it, I will never be good enough, I am not entirely sure I can even handle this. Other people are much better at what they do, and I seem to fail at everything. I have a tough time deciding or trying to make decisions in life.
It can cause feelings like Anger, Resentment and causes anxiety, and allows the worrying process to be further complicated. It increases the behaviour patterns such as: Being withdrawn, not confident enough to make suggestions or to be assertive, keeping yourself in your comfort zone. A fear of the unknown and trying your best to avoid this feeling at all costs by continuing to limit yourself, your mind and ability.
You would not be comfortable looking a person in the eyes directly when you engage in conversation, and when you walk posture is poor, perhaps you excessively sweat and fumble, always feeling tired from the energy you exude on all of the above.
You fail to give any impression to anyone you have confidence, and in a job interview for example, this can lead to life halting many opportunities. In relationships, if you are so substantially weaker than your dominant confident partner I have read that this is also bound for potential failure as well.
If you cannot gain confidence in yourself you will find it harder to gain friends.
I think the above paints the picture of a work of art that has the potential to be created into a masterpiece but for the moment in hangs in an empty gallery waiting to be seen...
What are the basic steps to build it?
Some of the simple rules are as follows - practice will lead to confidence. Learning and developing skills and gaining confidence from this process.
Mistakes are inevitable and unavoidable they are a critical aspect of learning.
Try to learn to laugh about them with others who have found themselves in the same situation... think about how many YouTube videos you have watched about people talking about things you can relate to - and sometimes the mistakes we make are made by so many others.
I try to apply the wisdom of a great friend Dr. Gillian Ross the wellbeing expert when she says simply: Be gentle on yourself.
When your life is stuck in a place you feel is not the best it can be, who do you turn to?
Do you ask anyone for help? Who should you seek to help you find the answers? The answer might surprise you - get a mirror, look at the reflection, and who do you see?
Yourself. Look within. To nobody else. And practice makes perfect:
Samuel Beckett said it for us "No matter. try again. Fail again. Fail better."
I have applied the above to EVERY element of my new life, including Fitness, the Gym and my mind and general growth toward reaching every single goal I set myself.
The strength gained from change and self-confidence can build empires.
and it can come from those who have been knocked to the canvas over and over all through life and childhood, into adulthood.
true champions are born from pain, and find a way to push through this to rise above the hurt and say I can! I will!
I will leave you with the wall quote of the Gym I am a member at: I think this summarizes the above in a more succinct manner.
— 'Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.'
Mahatma Gandhi
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