The Madness of Creativity - How Jumping Rabbit Holes can Concern Those who Never Leap

I am made acutely aware by some, with good intentions no doubt... of the madness or the insanity that some people reflect in art, or visual exploration - the dynamics of exploring themes or diving into that so called rabbit hole, in order to bring back something of light.

I personally delve into that rabbit hole often, not through the use of any psychedelics or drugs, but with a mind that not only encourages the need to explore, it drags me kicking and screaming there if I refuse. What I see, sense and find, when I express it can give the world a wonderful insight, but also give them a glimpse of things they do not like to acknowledge.

In life, I use this great analogy - I recently heard a powerful spiritual woman speak of all the constant fears and torture we can afflict ourselves with, daily. Almost a daily worry - when we have mastered the innate pleasure of not worrying about the things that crippled us once. 

She related the fear of spiritual people who are concerned with dark energy - or evil forces - and I think the general conceptual principle of her theory can relate to all of life.

She says some are fearful of this, but if you are in the kitchen cooking a great recipe - that ingredient may be in the pantry right? Yes.
But, in all truth - are you cooking with it?
Do you plan to put it in the cooking?

This is what many simply cannot understand - they get almost upset - BUT it's THERE!
She replies - I understand - we know it's There - But - again - Why worry?

Because IT MIGHT GET IN MY COOKING!

She answers - are you going to put it IN there?
The person answers Of course not.

She answers - why worry about it then?
But I do not like it there - it should not be there!
And I paid for it once perhaps but - the reasoning lacks the purpose to continue - you get it?

The person, or the ego, or the standard human mind just keeps questioning this logic.

There are things in our houses or homes we know of, I have some things from when I was 16 years old, I am 38 now - I have not cooked with them or even need to bother worrying about if they have been sitting in the pantry for all these years.

In my mind I threw that poison away - I need not concern myself with wasting energy on it.

But for some the simple fact something is in the cupboard haunts them, or should impact on the great pleasure of cooking.

If you are creating a magical meal - it gets soured by negative emotion and thought.

So, this is my meal of nutrition served to you, and I love the fact we all love to eat healthy these days, well most of us - some are slowly waking up to the fact poor nutrition can detriment our minds and bodies.

This is a great blog post a quick brief succinct addressing of the same ideal:

http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/2011/03/24/the-people-who-are-crazy-enough-to-think-they-can-change-the-world-are-the-ones-who-do/

I feel too many people are too quick to Judge a book by it's cover - I walked into a food shop recently and the owner has been well aware of my fitness journey. He started to give me some well meaning advice with good intent - on how athletes who excessively train risk burn out - and that he assumed fitness was my life 24/7 - I literally blew his mind when I said, that I also create art, music, poetry visual media and have many other passions and purpose than the solitary one he was concerned with.
That cover was mis-read - you can avoid a book because the cover looks a contrast to what you seek.

I am so happy, Anne - understands - we spoke last night of the fact the madness or insane creative output is lost on the world if the magicians who cast it are subjected to such thoughts and constant projection from a society that demands we always try and bounce within the walls.

If you spend your life worrying about the contents of anyone else's pantry it's a strong indication you are not enjoying the cooking process - you can of course want the best, and want to make sure all people are not at risk of poisoning their food perhaps - but we all are aware of health and safety standards - most of us.

I know the inner workings of my mind, I know when to disengage and seek solitude or nature - I can balance and ground my emotions when needed and often. And I do. I put the feet up and relax and say life is a petal that blooms, but opens and closes - you cannot remain open or expect anything to remain constant - balance is reflective in Mother nature - you should also reflect it within your mind.
Night - day - seasons - spirit - regrowth, destruction - it all takes place in the world, but it takes place in our minds as much. How we learn to walk the paths, and overcome the obstacles, or navigate the destruction, or abound from regrowth - to create the magic - is within us.

I have spent many hours upon hours reading about neuroscience, psychology, self-actualisation the brain function and cognitive concepts - It is a passion. Do not be concerned about how I personally navigate a ship that may look erratic to some, at times. It never sinks. Even in the unlikely event it did, my ship would resurface faster than most.

I have two choices - I can listen to my heart - that sings - and continue making art and being a little bat-shit crazy to some at times - 

or listen to the concern of another - 

and retreat into the shell I once was - and go back to being an unhappy - tortured person that had no life. The person that felt caged and that suffered accordingly.

I learned it's wise to listen to yourself in life.
The more you ask, the varying answers start to conflict. The heart never lies.

I think my choice is clear.

Safe Cooking and happy meals ! (not McDonalds)

Enjoy this quick video - it covers the concepts I just addressed well.

the Principles of NFR - The Precise Resistance Concept

When I was 14, I was shaken but not stirred. I began to awaken the creative beast, born from pain.
The animal within was writhing in such agony and turmoil, it had no choice but to lash out.

It did not intend harm, but the animal can threaten, and intimidate the enemy, all around it, and hunt the prey down for the kill. It can search and destroy at night, or during the day.

The animal spirit is for the good - although in the wild, the laws of the natural world appear to some, to be misunderstood.

NFR was a concept I created in the inner depths my artistic pursuit. It was my reaction to the world, that in my mind had fucked me over.

Any teenager that has had his mother endure Rape - and almost murdered, and has every obstacle placed in the path ahead, from the moment of birth has some entitlement to resentment.

Any kid who feels on the outside, and gets beaten from the inside, and outside, reacts.
Any child who is taught from every person they come into contact with, that opinions and morals projected from them, matter more to shaping the future. The simple ideology of being unique, or setting a dream of using the imagination - is not a vision of success taught by the teachers of life.

NFR was a graffiti crew I started in 1992, it still has active members to this day - making it the longest running serving graffiti group ever to embrace our city.

It stood for NO FUCKING RESPECT.
I believed in having NO FUCKING RESPECT - for the rules that broke my dreams, the rules of others that enforced sadness, guilt, sorrow or pain over LOVE.

You may THINK you have the RIGHT to stop someone, or to say someone has no right to act in a way that conflicts with what YOU believe in.

I gave up Graffiti at age 16, largely in part to one act of gratitude by the people of whom some I was rebelling against.

I was never caught, charged nor arrested at ANY stage. I have No criminal record.

I was being admitted to Psych one cold winter night in 1993, my life had pretty much ended - I had done such extreme drug use my mind collapsed - Lsd and lesser substances had taken the Syd Barret effect, turned the creative animal in me, to a crippled, cage-bound restricted emotional wreck.

I was being driven to the hospital in the back of a police car - who I must say acted with such dignity and concern for my welfare. Perhaps if they knew the above secret the officers, male and female; may not have allowed me a simple act - I was so terrified and in turmoil an officer said I could light a cigarette in the backseat and smoke, whilst driving along the highway.

This broke the rules - but in my mind at that time the rules that perhaps are most worthy of breaking. The act of allowing someone else's life to be better, rather than concern yourself with the rules enforced to make you a robot.

We are slaves in a manner, to judgement, to opinions - to the resentment, hate and violence inflicted by a society or world that encourages limits.

I have, always will have, and forever more NO FUCKING RESPECT for this.

The graffiti element is out of my hands - that was taken away from me by other forces - so please I do not want you jumping up and down blaming me for any past, current or future property damage. I do not hold any desire for breaking any laws these days. In fact - that teenager gave up smoking, gave up ALL drugs, Resentment and started to live in solitude. And slowly recover. It has taken over 22 years for this to emerge or evolve fully.

But my principle stands. Deal with it.
If you cannot respect yourself, and love yourself in order to respect others - I have simply:

NO FUCKING RESPECT for that. But I accept it. I accept ALL, regardless of what you do, how you act, what you have done or do, in any manner that used to once conflict with my own standards or enforced belief system. I judge you not for anything. Sadly, not many reflect this in return. 

the video below the NFR image is a main motivating force that summarises many of my shared ideals these days. It was made by Mateusz M, the man is one awakened enlightened mind. Look up his videos on YouTube, powerful motivation. 

The concept of NFR has been reborn on the day I took the photo below the video. The concept is the ideals or visions I stand beside. Not in the sense of encouraging any property damage whatsoever - but mentally. Mental strength.

You must learn to look within, and start to THINK, question Yourself, and Respect Yourself.
If you do not - you're the robot or puppet that moves along this world with the other 99 % of the robots and pulled-stringed puppets.

The mind is one, the act of the manner in which you treat others, the world around you, the people, animals, all life forms and energy.

UNIVERSE - Uni - (one) Verse (Song) We are supposed to sing as One, yes we all have different melodies and create frequency or songs that differ, but the one song is not being made or heard as intended. This was a great concept I learned from Dr. Wayne W. Dyer - an internationally known and respected man of knowledge and inner mental strength, depth and thought.

You know what it is - THINK. Learn. Open your mind to it.
Break that robot mindset.

Namaste.

A Time of Conflict But Inner Peace; the Contradiction.

It has been an interesting long while - since my last Blog.
I have succinct reasoning to justify this absence of written expression. The main one being, I was reading Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, in my early knowledge quest to quench the thirst of insight... I did note that he said and wrote: "There are things that I, and other great people such as Louise L. Hay, will never speak of."

I made a video during some times of shift and turmoil, and it was intended for others. It was made after a short sharp burst of energy, that thankfully subsided as fast as it came.

I will include it at the bottom of this blog. Dr. Gillian Ross the main inspiration behind the video or the themes expressed, was pleased with it, however my ego show at the end and the music was not of her fancy. Very reasonable. 

The music and creative drive really came to the fore, I decided to pursue further music/audio and photography, visual media.,..

I am creating a new balance in my life, I sat making that video for hours, and much to my detriment. I have quite a special new video in the making. The creative process has been refined, rather than excess it just focuses on bit by bit - build the foundation, then the structure... and a building of I hope beauty... over time.

If I sit on my glutes all morning, I now experience cabin fever - I get this feeling that anxiety is trying to creep back onto my back. It has not been there, weighing on my shoulders for more than two years now. That monkey can stay off my back. I will allow him jungle time, he can play, but not on me.
He has plenty to occupy him I am certain. The jungle can be vibrant and alive.

My mind is a more meditative tranquil paradise, as opposed to a jungle these days.
I did an animal spirit guided meditation by Teal Swan this morning for the first time, the one by her rather. I recently did an animal spirit meditation by Gillian, deep Yoga Nidra style, but it was to get in the body of the animal the spirit... not to source your specific power animal.

My first great spiritual experience of unforgettable magnitude was when I was around 15 years old. I was leaning toward the esoteric world - largely driven by my goth sub-culture desire and other teenage yearning.

Poetry, Goth, and the contrast of Graffiti, and rebellion... the artist, the writer, the mind. The spirit.
The insecurity of fear, the weakness and vulnerability of youth.
The wanting or needing to feel a part of something greater, but always standing from the outside looking in, casting a mere shadow inside the wishful circle for fleeting moments.
The wanting to know and understand, what I was born to do. What made me happy - was it drugs, or the 100 miles an hour excess life? Was it spiritual?

That 15 year old was invited to a Shamanic journey, by his experienced older esoteric friends and acquaintances. We went up to this magical house, in the foothills of Mount Wellington, I believed the home was owned by one of the rich spiritually minded souls.

They started the ritual and ceremony, burned some Sage and did other Native instinctive tradition. It was commented the whole room started to get this intense energy. Some said the earth was moving and the room was shifting. This was before we even descended.

Back to first person, I was led down stairs, almost like my artwork in a slight sense, to the spirit world. My power animal made itself visible. To my shock and almost amusement - it was a Polar Bear.

I was thinking you are joking me right?
Like at that age I probably envisioned being in some commercial for Coca-Cola - after all at the time I drank that toxic crap - was the spirit world poking fun?

That soon got blasted away when one of the guides in the room, (speaking guidance) - asked us, or prompted us to question the animal before us.

Are You my Power Animal?

This was the question. (That was the question).

Imagine my total surprise, keep in mind a kid from an fairly ordinary upbringing of usual concepts and earthly restrictions... almost forced into church mainstream worship. The bear replied:

You Are Me.

Enough said.

I got to reunite with that animal thanks to Teal Swan this morning. It was an old friend.
We are no longer just friends... we decided to merge. We are as one, not apart.

In keeping with tradition I will include a great song by an Australian legend of spirit - Xavier Rudd. Please watch it until the end - some of the most visually spectacular imagery ever caught on video from Australia. And in-spirit. Inspirational.

Namaste.

The Path of Excess Leads To the Tower of Wisdom - Blog Version

This blog explains some of the reasons and history behind the video of the same name, I released yesterday on YouTube. I was looking at a video released by a great friend known as ConfusedGirlLA or as I would prefer to call her, by the real awesomeness of her name, Giovanna Silvestre (yes your name almost is as epic as mine).

It was a video I did not come to expect from her. It was titled Facing Your Demons, the best way out is always through. She had replaced her usual loving confident persona with a shattered emotional, honest but wounded one. It made me reflect on the simple premise, even the best of us are never immune to the vagaries of negative emotions and feelings.

I felt at the time, poor dear, wish I could comfort her. But that feeling of detachment you have when you view something online - you remove the true sort of family concern, and replace it with the distant oh that person matters, I hope they are okay. Then something unusual happened, or perhaps not. I believe the universe works some patterns out of reasoning, I was to myself endure a day - or later that night - a period of emotional turmoil. I had to look deep within myself. I did constantly think of Giovanna during my small brief nightmare, and told her I planned to write about this. I kept thinking how can I possibly learn any lessons from this awful class we attend in life, and teach or reflect to other students, how to navigate it better?

The answer to that question, sadly is... when you view my video below I believe - keep in mind the U2 song I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.

I think a great lesson is, we are all students in a class called life. We need to sit and observe and try and worry less about asking too many deep questions. We want to seek the truths and feel inferior we have not mastered certain criteria. We have the lessons being taught in front of us, and we learn from each and every one. We gain something from each new learning curve, despite going home crying or feeling like the day bullied us into submission. We get back up the next morning, smile at our parents and go back to school, pushing away the fear of the day before. We want to run, we want to hide, but we know this is the stuff we are forced to do. If we do not do it, we will never pass. And I ask what exactly is the defining of passing the school of life???

I think to pass, we just simply need to leave the school, with a smile. We need to look back at the good times, and try to smell the roses along the way. We can try and push aside the time we got pushed into the rose bushes, and got pricked. We can feel gratitude for the times we made our friends lives better during class - when our friend was down we picked them up. We can reflect that we fought against the ideals of the bullies with love rather than hate. We beat them too. 

We passed. We passed. We already have a certificate to be proud of by living our dreams.

After graduating this High School, I will See you all in College or University someday perhaps?

The video below is the one I made yesterday. And a link to a site to view the song that inspired the flow of creativity to actualize the content. - A wonderful clip recorded in the city of dreams where beautiful people with beautiful hearts live, but feel broken or empty. Also the link to Running To Stand Still the lyrics from the official U2 website.



http://www.vevo.com/watch/u2/Where-The-Streets-Have-No-Name/GB1808700200


http://www.u2.com/discography/lyrics/lyric/song/111/

The Male Prurient Desire - Means To an End?

I would love to share some thoughts on a subject I hope some of you might find fascinating. I have many female friends, I hope this can give you valuable insight into what goes on in the mind of a man. The male prurient desire - a means to an end? Why men visualise sexual desire and embrace anger, the reasons they act out on it in stark contrast to females is always baffling to most of us. Some are dismissive to the notion that men have a stronger sexual desire than females. But look back at history, a small reflection on the birth of Pornography, the slant of Prostitution towards gratification for one sex (male) must indicate that yes, men must approach it from a different angle. Nymphomania might be the female comparison and a most widely misunderstood pattern of behaviour. In men, it's known as Satyriasis.

For men satyriasis is directed by the ego, drawn from insecurity; not anything physical. You might be surprised to learn it can encompass, or hold within many negative patterns. It sustains the childlike tendency to seek attention and sources a feeling of greatness from conquest. Men who largely seek constant sexual encounters and or embrace anger/violence, are driven by subconscious soft-wired mind and body neuro patterns. Patterns are formed and when someone gains pleasure it can become a self-perpetuated instinct. Repeated constantly for the original source reward. We seek rewards or turn to Porn and violence or anger for many various reasons, like an addiction we think we find pleasure/satisfaction from it. We might find it fills a void, we find it dulls the pain or dilutes a feeling of loneliness. It gives us a sense of dominance over weakness. We think or assume we get reward from these emotions, gained from verbal and non-verbal self-talk. Talk can be sourced from the five senses...

Tactile (Touch) Visual (Sight) Hearing (Auditory) ) Smell (Olfactory) Taste (Gustatory).

Our subconscious interpretation of ourselves is drawn from years of formed patterns. Some of these are powerfully created during childhood and growing up. We are shaped and formed as adults, by the events and behaviours we are moulded into. For some people, both male and female - the fear of intimacy creates a strong inclination to seek relationships and pornography online. We are disengaged by the real need to connect, but we gain some sense of enjoyment from thinking or assuming we are happy. I myself am in No position to dictate or guide anyone else on anything, so I will relate my own story instead as a reflection on my growth and knowledge gained.

My childhood was a time of upheaval and many constant changes and challenges. Everyone has a passage in life that has obstacles and barriers. The path is always bound to be blocked at any given moment. How we move around that obstacle and proceed forward defines us, how we stumble or delay, or get stuck by that blockage is what keeps us in a place I was formally comfortable in. A sanctuary I would refuse to leave; mostly out of ignorance or fear.

My Mother taught me as a boy to respect others. I was encouraged to not be racist or judgemental of others. That failed to stop my mind and heart from applying it. Not in the racial sense but the constant judging of all based on actions, appearance, pretty much all attributes. I have been accepting of most choices people make, from homosexuality to drug use. My childhood and teenage experiences allowed me to paint a portrait I kept hanging on a wall for years to follow. Luckily not many people ever visited that gallery to view it's ugly disfigurement.

That portrait has been recently dismantled.

I will relate my reliance on pornography and anger during my lost years. This was indicative of the male I was ... incapable of sustaining a decent relationship with myself and others, not from porn, but from the lack of emotional intelligence to seek and understand how to gain it. How to sustain it is simply impossible if you harbour such profound weakness. I was your typical male, driven by the caveman or primitive sexual desire of wanting sex with those allusive female cave-women. Please excuse my awful generalization, I try to paint with words sometimes. Through isolation and being child-like in maturity, I always thought I needed a visual stimuli for my sexual stimulation, I must add, being single only enhanced this need in my justification. I was alone for a long time. You begin to think only one pattern leads to a quick fix. I will discuss this as an addiction. I will include a video by Teal Swan on why I refer to this in retrospection as a drug.

Things changed. With growth comes insight. I formed a powerful relationship a while ago that changed the dynamics within myself, in the midst of other rapid changes. I wanted to truly look deep within myself, and discover the reasons for failure in past relationships. How could I become a better person? More importantly become a better man?

I think a true relationship goes deeper than a physical act. The part in the Teal video where she describes two pieces of meat rubbing together made me chuckle. In part because it is true. You can engage in sex as something solitary or learn to adopt a more unifying approach. Lack of arousal in men and females is normal. The stereotypical porn visualisation of a man with constant libido, and the basis of what most of it projects in terms of everything, leaves a bitter after-taste in minds that do not even know what is considered to be normal and natural. The ideas and patterns some men form in large part to a lack of real-life wisdom, is inflicted detrimentally onto many females. You will no doubt know of the man who thinks he wants to be a movie star in the bedroom. Most of you are not willing to embrace being the lead actor (formally Actress in older times) in that movie are you? Some roles you might enjoy, but little plot twists and the final scene can rob you of your cinematic experience. Most porn is devoid of all emotions/feeling/romance and driven purely as physical visualisation stimuli.

I believe most men need to get in touch more with the desire for wholeness and inner balance. Not to focus on the macho ideals and be so drawn into the lures of ego and physical image. To let go of the primitive instincts reinforced for years by the majority of other males. Some men believe to act in accordance with one set belief and behaviour, is how to be a real man desirable and attractive to most women. This can be far from reality. The song Boy's Don't Cry by The Cure comes to mind, listen to that song. The meaning is obvious, but the way in which we practice the act of being a male is not always beneficial. It can be a poor projection to others...

I think of much conflict and death, caused in large part by ego, vanity, anger leading to violence through lack of understanding oneself. We like to blame someone for this, and point the finger, some men even have the gall to blame females, that they are too difficult or complex to understand. Some men who inflict violence on females, rather than recognise their own fault, they instead blame the victim. She asked for it. She wanted it. She deserved it, She had it coming. They also do this in justifying violence to other men. He asked for it. He needed a good shaking up. He was an idiot that deserved it. I punched him and ended up in court, but man that sucker was lucky I did not kill him. I will get my friends to pay him some respect. Nobody will undermine my manhood, no man can allow me to feel weak. No woman will make me feel weak. I would rather smash her apart then feel worthless. I would rather kill than feel inferior. I hate the stench of defeat. I will always strive for conquest. Dominance. Strength. Power. I relate this point not from my history, I have never found violence at all desirable or beneficial, the alluring aspect I fail to understand. I thought sex was to be sought and chased at one stage, as most of the worlds inhabitants believe. Not violence or violent sex that makes one person feel violated or uncomfortable, stealing from them whilst giving gratification to the other.

In return, the cycle turns back. The motor keeps grinding, stalling and failing. The engine runs on fuel from a poor source. The car body analogy again, it's nice to look at perhaps, but inside the mechanics, or guts of it - the mind of the car, is a wreck. The car might be fun for a ride now and then, but any long term travel is not desired by all whom have sat in the interior. The exterior was appealing, the force was inviting, the strength of it perhaps was admirable. We probably made a good investment in it, hoping that the motor was a good long-term prospect. That motor will carry my future and get me to the path I desire, and carry my children; dreams and hopes along with it. Anything in life that lacks character, loses respect. The car begins to choke with bad exhaust fumes, the motor becomes unreliable it breaks down. The car needs too much maintenance and service.

The damn thing was a Porsche at the start, now it sadly resembles a rusty junk yard piece of scrap metal. It serves no useful purpose. It once drove me, now it drives me away. It hummed, but it crashed. It broke apart. I am attempting to reflect this as the symptoms of all relationships - the emotional engine, the fuel that binds it, the motor that can stall or deteriorate with age and use. The car that was fun but now needs replacing. The elements that attracted us to enjoy it and encouraged us to travel a journey with it, are now fast vanishing and being replaced by faults and issues.

In sexual terms, performance anxiety and lack of arousal can come from inevitable failures in the bedroom, from both female and male aspects. The need is to accept life is not a Hollywood script, and not everything goes as planned. Some take the seriousness of expectation to heart, one partner might want sex, the other may not feel like it. One might want certain results, one may not be receptive to gratitude in acquiring this result. One may think the other has lost interest. One may think the other has too much interest. One may not like the intricacy of the partners fantasy or methods. One may feel neglected sexually, as if they do not receive the fair share of the pie. They want to consume an amount worthy, but the other has already filled the digestive system with the gastronomical delights. One may want dessert or an entré. The dish may not taste as great for one as it did for the other. The same dish may be constantly cooked and served. The taste becomes bland and monotony abounds. Monotony can lead to disinterest. Sometimes the taste of monotony leads to the once loved flavour; becoming eventually unpalatable. 

This leads to relationship tension, breakdown, misunderstanding, conflict - turmoil of emotions. You fill the pot with every single bad ingredient you can possibly think of, allow it to stew for a long period of time... you end up the food sticks to the bottom, the water has drained, the food it starts to burn. The smoke becomes fire. The house burns down in terms of unfolding events. You lose something you cherish, something you claimed ownership over - you feel you have been robbed. A part of your delicacy has been taken away by someone else. They ate it, spat it out, or even vomited it over you, in front of everyone you know. This is called resentment. It comes from encouraging the desire we own everything in life. We own the right to how others act and react to us. We should be loved. We hate it when we are not. We own feelings and the right to be happy. We get frustrated our ownership is at risk of being taken away. We have invested in it. We spent time and money on buying all the things that encompass the whole property. We lose the property and we stake a claim on emotional insurance. We want to gain the value back. 

We feel pain. We feel sadness. We start to manifest negative emotions that rival the fury of nature. It has beauty and we love nature, we loved what we owned. The potential to suddenly create total destruction from an event we think is not reasonable, or an act that we did not deserve. Why did this happen to me? I do my best, I try my hardest, but life or a God I conceptualise - why reward me with pain?

These are negative patterns we love to foster and keep, I will use the analogy as children. We think we own them, and want to keep them. They are taken away and we are mad as hell. We get angry someone can abuse our children, or our patterns, and inflict damage on them. Patterns are strange things, we love to hold onto them, we constantly do. We love them and want the very best for them. Sometimes these children want to leave home, if you think about it, at the end of the day, we are never truly entitled to ownership. Anger, pain hurt misery are great examples of things we should never own for any length of time. Let alone keep as an investment. Hoping it pays a bonus one-day... because it will not pay anything of value if you always retain it. It robs you, it steals from you. It destroys you. You may try to nurture it and raise it in a good way but it rebels against you. Children are to be gifted and raised for the right purpose, if you feel ownership of the right that this child must grow up and act accordingly to what You want, and does not act in full accordance to this agreement written in blood, you feel cheated. 

Anything we claim we own, and we lose or we think is stolen, we resent it. We hold onto the idea our resentment is justified. It was the thief that took it, they should pay the ultimate justice. That thief can be another person, or a memory, or an event. It can be an extended emotion. It can decay us inside like coca-cola reacts with teeth. We pay for it with health as well as mind. Coca-Cola is a huge brand but it has power. Some people know the bad effects of something, others love to condone anything out of the basis of fear ...to stand against something is harder than to simply acknowledge it, and we wander like lemmings off the edge of the cliff called life. Blindly following the same mistakes of the person ahead of us. We had a chance to stop, but we felt the change in direction would be more risky or challenging than staying on the path.

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer discusses an important principle that There are NO JUSTIFIED RESENTMENTS in life. Full stop. Application to every resentment you can imagine. No exceptions. This also applies to drinking coca-cola once upon a time ;-P

Patterns above can be re-programmed, at any age. The science known as Neuroplasticity has proven beyond doubt the mind and behaviours can be altered. Your life can be changed from set patterns to new possibilities. You might not agree, and say you are trapped within the confines of circumstance, lifestyle, career, relationship, family or heritage... or the other billion reasons known as fears. 

Fear is something that prevents most of us from considering life can be different. Fear might tell you and confirm in your mind that I am preaching utter bull$hit, and you are happy as a pig in $hit with your current sex life and pornography use. or you are perfectly entitled to smash heads in every drunken drug fuelled weekend. You are justified to feel whatever you feel, you use it in the manner you currently live... whether it's right or wrong, who am I to cast my opinion at a stranger? Porn and sex might be used in a healthy way somehow for your personal circumstance. All I can reflect is what I have learned applies to me. I would like to offer a perspective to others that many might not usually hear. Violence is unacceptable in all forms.... but many disagree and the world whispers for peace and solidarity amongst a select minority. Love always has more energy over hate. You might come to realise that this is true in a new time or change. 

You learn in life, that to dismiss the opinions of others, when you feel it contradicts your own experiences or values... becomes a safety valve. You might want to force some pressure through mine to show how you feel disapproval. I do not really care. I embrace the opinions of all others, I make my choices through the teachers and lessons I wish to learn from. I feel no need to restrict the attitudes or enforce behaviours onto others. I do not feel the desire for people to share the same values and ideals that I now embrace. I do not expect to change or expect any reward from anything I do, if I receive a gift of hatred, I accept it...but I fail to keep it. I embrace negative challenges these days, life is not a pure flow of constant happiness. darkness is always willing to drown us, however we can choose to drown or swim in life. 

I was struggling to stay afloat for too many years, tossed around the intense swirling waters of my own emotions. I created a whirlpool of my own ocean, almost calm for brief moments, but thrown against storms constantly. This sea was polluted by toxic thoughts of which most people suffer, worrying anxiety, doubts fear and a lack of motivation. Lack of self-esteem and confidence. The lack of strength in mind and body to feel worthy that I could accomplish anything great, or that mattered. A feeling that to transverse life is to try and sail as I expected the course would map out. The journey was set upon a destination I did not want to arrive at. I for a very long time accepted that no matter how hard you can dream, dreams are illusions. Dreams are visions for others to attain. Success and happiness are prevented by circumstance and history. The things that happened yesterday will either prevent the sun shining tomorrow, or cast a shadow forever on any light that manages to filter through. History repeats. Life is sort of a box to be viewed from within, held in the inner realm by the confines. To feel safe in a sense by the comfort of knowing this box felt like the only option. Unable to view anything because of obscurity. Unable to see because my eyes and vision had been clouded by personal glasses I built and created for myself. 

The vision was blurred, the beautiful in life was out of focus. I could sometimes see it but not truly sense it. I could not feel it. I did not believe in it. I did not believe in the one person that is the critical leader you must turn to - yourself. You must turn toward yourself in order to see the reflection. Then when you start to open your eyes, and delve inward in a more positive manner, the mirror becomes reflected to others in the same way. If you keep that mirror dirty, perhaps through being unaware it can be cleansed, life remains stagnant. Walk through the mud to reach the higher ground, or just stay stuck in it.... this was my life. I was covered and assumed I was trapped.

I can tell you... that is not the limitations of which this universe operates on. Try to think outside the square.

Here is a painting I did when I was 15 during High School, I feel it embraces the feeling of the subject matter visually:

lastly after this epic rant I will finally relent with -

If I have a goal of this essay that started out as a thought process, I would like to entertain the possibility it stirred some thoughts within you...the reader. Did it strike a chord at times, or strike a match? If it burns, it can replenish. If it humbles, it gives light. If it resonates, I applaud you. lastly, if you read it all the way to this conclusion #Gratitude. and Namaste. 
Love, light and laughter. #Heart smiles. 

Here is the Teal Swan video and as you know, I love my music with passion - a Joy Division song most applicable to this blog in title and substance.

The Heart and Mind Seed All Motivation and Success Growth

I would like to personally share some thoughts on a subject close to my heart. The heart, physically and spiritually is driven by motivation in many aspects. You must have some sort of desire to accomplish something regardless of what you do, or you would not be breathing. I can express from my own experience, we are all equal we all breathe; we are driven to do things in life on a level that rebounds back to this concept. I will include two powerful YouTube videos of great resource to emphasise my succinct points.

I am reading and sourcing many different books at the moment. I will mention the following - Number one was the book Sally Pearson - Believe. An inspirational story of aiming high. I will get back to this book later it is important to the entire blog. 

Search Inside Yourself - Chade-Meng Tan - Increase productivity, creativity and happiness. This book is one of the best I have ever enjoyed reading. The references to Zen and mindfulness Meditation, the inner mind in a business and personal development angle from a Google engineer. He has met the President and pretty much every successful; highly influential person on the earth. 

Survival To Success by Allan Mason - How to play the game of life and win. This book has themes just like the above, using mind and personal development; spiritual and meditation resources to reach goals.

EntreLeadership by Dave Ramsey - 20 years of practical business wisdom from the trenches. 

Seven Years with Banksy - Robert Clarke.

You Can Heal Your Heart by Louise L. Hay and David Kessler.

Psyche's Yearning by Dr. Gillian Ross.

You'll See It When You Believe It by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Manifest Your Destiny by Wayne W. Dyer. The nine spiritual principles for getting everything you want. 

A few others are also thrown into the mix, including audio, I will listen to highly successful speakers talk from various recordings at certain times. I love to listen to Wayne W. Dyer audio late at night, and gain wisdom when out walking with earphones in. Sometimes whilst making breakfast I listen and absorb motivational audio and self growth. I like to view my mind as a cauldron and throw all kinds of knowledge into the brew and develop a taste or something that will create my own recipe for life. I feel that using only one ingredient when cooking makes for a rather dull, bland and tasteless dish.

The book by Dave Ramsey on EntreLeadership really struck me a few days ago with one simple snippet of wisdom. Making mistakes is the critical tool needed in order to thrive and grow. You need to learn from them in order to develop any skills in life. Dave points out, learning from the mistakes of other's is much less painful. This resonated powerfully with my own experience, and no doubt with all of us. I myself from personal history know how I can relate to bad decisions or unwise choices from an early age. He mentions how Henry Ford once said, "Those who never make mistakes work for those of us who do."

I personally learn and draw much from a friend of mine. Danielle McDonald. She has built her career on helping and advising others how to succeed in all facets of life. My move to Twitter as a new social media platform a few months ago was prompted by our mate-ship and it leads me to the next subject. When you have great leaders you can learn from, who have walked the walk and talked the talk, and share to others what they sourced growth from; you are much wiser.

Sally Pearson, the champion Australian Olympian athlete. I was in a book store and decided to buy her book. The main reason was that I had learned about her in a Motivational and How To Succeed course recently. The teacher was relating a story of how you must believe in something in order to reach it. What you wish for, what you work for, what you desire you will reap. He told us a story along the lines of this - at an event, the media was interviewing two athletes. One was unnamed. The other was Sally. The first was asked how it felt to be at the games, and what her personal goal was. She replied she was most pleased to be here and her goal was to make the final. Sally entered the zone. I say THE ZONE, You can instinctively tell this woman is not there to play candy crush saga. She does not play for the media and dance around like it's 1999. (The Musician - Prince reference gentle sarcasm). She stated she had worked hard to get here and her goal was Gold. 

The first made the final. Goal reached. Sally made her ultimate goal. She will be remembered for the duration of history as a champion... the other athlete perhaps did not have that true motivational mindset at the time.

I believe what you do needs to drive passion in you. You need to want it so badly. Like the motivational people famously say As bad as you want to Breathe. Also, you must love what you do. If you do not enjoy something you will rarely sustain it for a long period of time. You need to wake up on a winter's morning, like I did all through the toughest most defining part of my year of a huge goal... and rather than think, I do not quite feel like doing it. Force it. I got myself to that gym and rarely miss a workout or strength session, only by sickness or recently deeper career focus. Like Arnold said in a video I watched recently and the great Bob Proctor touches on this strongly too... you can ask someone what their goals are, and you can gain a good understanding of the level of commitment they reflect. If they beam the right source of light you know they are destined. If they project what I love to call the Kind of Sorta Try attitude - I kind of sorta want it. I want to kind of sorta try and put the effort in. I might go 90 percent, but in some regards I will slacken off the other ten percent at times I need it most. I meet people like this in my fitness pursuit. They are willing and wanting to change or to set a high goal, but they will never go that extra mile. They get weary. They fall back, and in some cases cannot perform at the front of the pack. I have always found if you want something badly in life Go ALL OUT to get it. I love how Arnold Schwarzenegger used his initial gym based mindset in order to apply the same dedication to his future pursuit of Acting, and to make it as Governor of California. This truly reflects a drive that many do not have to succeed at everything you put your mind to. I might add that Arnold was using Meditation and Visualisation mind awareness tools in the 1970s and 1980s ... never assume anything from looking at someone. You can work your body, but you can work your mind even harder. Some people tend to forget that. 

The need to work the mind hard is the most important aspect to motivation and success. You need to get in that ZONE. This brings me back to Sally Pearson to finish the blog. Please watch this video, this is the Gold winning event at the London Olympic games in 2012. Observe a few things I personally picked up on. She is seated at first in the beginning. She is almost like this robot. She is not there to act, she is there to Perform. Look at the intensity in her demeanour. She has the WILL, She has the Desire. The Focus. The Belief. 

I believe she says to herself as you can see in the video Fast Start. Strong Start. 

She also used Keep It Together. 

Her heart was already racing and it certainly didn't help, the Olympic games organisers for unknown reasons decided to echo mega-loud heartbeats through loudspeakers in the stadium - right up until the starter called 'Set'.

History was made, through pure dedication to aiming high and believing in oneself.

I could not embed this YouTube Olympic video due to restrictions, so here is the link

http://youtu.be/qFqL-lAud0k

Here is one of the greatest thinkers and minds of all time - Bob Proctor:

The Pursuit for Truth (Drive Your Essence)

What do we want in life? Who do we turn to for guidance on the path ahead?
This theme has triggered some serious thoughts and energy in me the last week or so.
I was replying and seeking some answers to some serious questions during the last week, by looking up certain YouTube spiritual teachers or self-actualization leaders, and trying to interact with some like-minded people online.

There was one person who gave me enormous hope, but no response, no answer. No reply. She was Not the person I use as the video reference in this blog below. I started having many thoughts jump at me, much like they used to, in the days of not knowing life. So I started to assess these emotions, and looked into her wisdom, without placing any emphasis on why or where my thoughts led me.
Like Gregg Braden says when you feel things like this, stop and ask yourself, why am I feeling this? What does this tell me?

I will not go into further detail, except to say it was more than a lack of reply. It was deeper than that in regard to communication. I began to ever so gently doubt myself. Was it something within Me? Was I not putting enough light out; or was my light corrupted? All kinds of stupid things I let go of thinking in recent times. It is not that we should expect anyone to acknowledge us in any way, people are Never predictable, and the most important lesson in life - is to accept you can never control or expect anyone to react to you in any enforced way Good or Bad. You do not need the acceptance of anyone else in life. You have yourself. You love yourself so much, with such power, that the other people around you - or as shown in the video I will share - need not affect your path. You learn to fill from your own cup and not need others to pour anything else in.

Despite the filling of my own cup I felt like the only true accompaniment in my journey was a shadow, One great thing I did learn was to embrace some spiritual people locally. I went through a major incident this week. Something happened that has some implications if it transpires in the next few months. This did not help the above thought and emotional process at all, It in fact just added to it. I learned that piece of advice above from the female, so I will take her blessing of knowledge in my heart - gratitude.

I consulted a spiritual place I have been to recently, again. I did a heart meditation for the second time, communally with people that I needed energy and light from. It was great. I will embrace the friendship and the power of wisdom gained... and I love meeting like-minded people, particularly locally.

Yesterday I was drawn to the path of two new people online. A wonderful male from Norway. He is such a shining light. I will include one of his videos below as well. And the female in the video I will share. I will share my thoughts on how this triggered some new energy. Some new wisdom, a new light.

The female her name, as many of you no doubt are already well aware of her name and perhaps the "reputation" that seems to cast a shadow is Teal Swan. Or also known as Teal Scott.
I watched some of her videos, and it really threw some pleasing mind energy my way.
Not only in the visual aspect, being a typical man or male I must always try and remain focused when it comes to beauty! But she really drove some thoughts in my mind all morning yesterday.
I need not discuss anything about her so called "reputation", except to say the challenges you face in the past - and people seem to love casting their strong personal views out of fear onto others, in a sense to cast doubts or reinforce standards in life that should never be considered by an open mind.

I needed some answers this week.
This video by Teal pretty much is a general summary and reflection of all I need to say. Please consider sticking with it past the initial few minutes, you might be tempted to quit the video but hang in there, for those of you who need answers in life I am sure you might benefit.

And may I introduce a man by the name of Chris Lie, this person really also gave me light yesterday. I needed to embrace the wisdom from another male - I have been so drawn to so many females in the spiritual circles it feels remarkable to have a male to source light and knowledge from! Like my good friend Dr. Gillian Ross says the universe unfolds as it should, and I believe the people that you need are drawn into your life,
Enjoy his video and his light! And since you all know how much I love my music - the song that has been my driving spiritual theme song during my joyful time of opening my mind - Placebo - Hold Onto Me - stick around for the spoken word dialogue that Brian Molko expresses toward the end... unseen and unheard of in modern music! (just after the 3:15 ms mark)

and lastly to Teal, you are such a force of positive light it is almost unbearably powerful; beyond the concepts of what most allow to reinforce growth restraint. The limitations held by science, educational institutions dictatorial teachers of religion or spiritual bullies. The inadequacy of not accepting things are happening in this universe beyond the realms of what most choose to see. The manner in which you project your skills to try and shine your light is truly a gift of beauty and love.
Gratitude.  

Motivation - Driven to Succeed Mind Over Body!

I had some powerful thoughts recently on Motivation. I was reading a book about our Aussie Champ Sally Pearson, and I feel that Motivation is a huge driving force within all of us.
It can be for whatever pursuit we attain it to, sports, career, athlete success, business, relationships... the desire to just make something come full circle starts with a goal, or an idea. A vision, an inspiration... a dream perhaps.

Some of us are Not motivated. We are not particularly driven to do anything substantial. Perhaps reasons for this are varying, it can be the place we are at right now in life. What I want to talk about is what drives a person to follow through, and what sustains momentum? What essence keeps motivation strong? I will not go into excess detail I tend to ramble too much in my blog posts, so I will try to keep this short. Two main principles I have discovered for me personally have been:

Discovering your Passion. I love this T.D. Jakes quote:

I believe all the primary success masters have adopted this simple mindset of - if you do Not enjoy what you do, that can be your career or job, or chosen interest/pursuit you will not succeed. Find or discover your True passion and it will be your true purpose.
That is a first guiding principle I found worked for me, and opened up paths and realms of possibilities.

Principle One: Purpose and Passion - or Love.

Loving the passion, and getting such a high level of enjoyment from it, you are forced to always do it. How many things do we honestly maintain for a long period of time we dislike?
If you paint or like writing Poetry, but you only get a low or moderate level of joy, perhaps look into something that draws your creative energy stronger - into feelings... not short term emotional reward; but something that feeds you the feelings of happiness and pleasure.
If you embrace exercise and fitness but do not like certain activities, change the exercise to something you do enjoy, or change the mindset approach.
If you do not like working at McDonalds, get the hell out of there and push yourself forward.
If you are in retail, but dream of something big - but a family member or some fear holds you back from trying to think about something else - think big, shoot the fear down. Perhaps you are from a family that expects you to accomplish something according to what they believe. What they believe is right for you - You might be expected to be a Lawyer, and frowned upon for expressing a desire to follow a different path - ignore them - this is Your Life - Not Theirs. If you allow yourself to live under the control and expectations of others, allow yourself to be dictated to by the opinions; good or bad, of others - if you listen to the Naysayers - you will be doomed. This leads me into the next principle because you are held back by the above by a strong force:

Second principle - Fear and the required Dissolution.

Fear is the number one enemy. It prevents most of us from everything.
It comes from the mind - but you can slay it. You can learn to beat it.
Most people have fears of failure - what if I try and fail?
What will my friends and family think?
What will I think of myself?
Failure will come - to everyone - but learn to embrace rather than hide and avoid it.
Each little obstacle is just another hurdle you can jump and you must keep hold of hope, you and focus. You never know, the path might be clear for the next 100 metres until the finish line. If you think, that hurdle was too hard... there are twenty more ahead - I might hit the next one with my knees, and fall down. I will lose. I do not have the energy or strength left in me to reach it. It's too hard. You will not get to that finish line in life. The Motivation has been lost. It escaped you. The bad aspect of your mind won - it beat you down like a champion boxer, it gave you a KO, but the sad thing is - it was Not better than you - it was not a champion that beat you - it was a shadow. It was something within yourself you allowed to break you down, largely in part from your own negative thinking.

I was listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival the song below at 4am this Sunday Morning during fasted Steady State Cardio - ... Run Through The Jungle.
It got me onto the thoughts of how war time and extreme life challenges force motivation. I need not discuss or raise opinions about war and killing - what I want to emphasise is the mindset in order to survive and endure hardship - in order to stay motivated.
I heard recently that a person who was in the Jewish filled death camps observed the people around him, he wrote or noted that the people who gave up, had no motivation to survive, usually met this fate. The people that had some drive within, the fighters that embraced a mindset of - I want to get out of here, and tell the world what horror took place - I will Not allow myself to die in this shit-hole. These people cannot beat me. I want to tell my future children and grand-children of the atrocity - so this never happens again... these people had something worth living for - a sheer drive to continue. The motivation needed in order to last... of course not all of them did survive; but the majority of the stronger minded people walked out to share the tale. The people who said this is it. I give up... generally one would be led to believe, endured a tougher time and relented first mentally.

Mental strength is paramount. The Mind is more powerful than the body. You need to learn that success is based on how you think, and what you think - what you create in your mind - how you visualise your goals - and how you sustain the motivation needed.

I will include a great video interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger on this topic. Place your attention on the mind aspect he discusses, and the people who speak to him of the desire. The people that crave on hunger and feed from it, as opposed to those who do not.

Nourish your motivation with passion - feed it heaps of calories, fatten it up everyday - make it obese in fact. Fuel the mind, Research. Read. Watch. Listen. Learn. Be inspired. Create. Share ...Grow.
and RUN THROUGH THAT JUNGLE OF FEAR - beat the odds and come out the other side Victorious.
There will be times you will doubt, you may want to entertain quitting. Think about the reasons you are doing it - perhaps the soldiers in this clip thought about that loving wife back home, the family they intended to reunite with. Think about why are you doing this? Focus - and continue the march.

Like I always say Improve the Body the MIND follows!

If you have any questions I am happy to answer and help when I can, I am Not motivated by money or a desire to profit from my positive encouragement. I do not have a website that wants you to outlay large sums of money in order for me to feel whole. This blog is public and not advertised it is free and basic. I have been ignored by many of the highest profile fitness and health industry bloggers. I do not care, I will continue to enjoy what I love doing. Character is everything - arrogance and ego are ugly. I just try and promote my social media interests to feeding my own goals - the gratitude I receive from others telling me - they can learn from this. What I have faced and the challenges I can share - how I have learned from them. What I can show to others;  a light that remains behind a closed door. If you want to open it up, look into changing things - start with an idea, a dream, a vision. Build on it. Look into mental fitness such as meditation and nutrition for the physical, get yourself active and help your body learn to love you back. Then things start to happen, things can open up. You can gain confidence. I was watching the Biggest Loser this time last year, and when the Trainers spoke of the concept - Let go of the Past - In order to move forward - I was thinking at that point in time ... How??? Is it possible??? I Wish I could. Please explain how this is possible?

Now I understand. Now I get it. You grow, the strength comes from the manner in which you learn and adapt and apply. With growth comes mass - you get bigger, mentally and physically. Stronger in mind and body. I am not talking about bodybuilder mass I am talking strength of heart, mind and body in terms of gaining true Power. The strength to start to view the world differently. 

If you want a truly great tip; if like myself - you faced some severe mental challenges and issues in the past the book called "Your Erroneous Zones" by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer may just be the blueprint you will need to get started. If you have faced challenges you cannot let go of, or just think the past cannot possibly be forgotten - consider investing in it - if there was one book I needed to read - if the world ended, and I was forced to hold one book for the rest of my days - and if the world was troubled - that book would be my gift to myself. If I can share this gift with one person and it changes their life, my work is done.

like Dr. Wayne W. Dyer says:

if you change the way you look at things, 
the things you look at will change.

Comfortably Numb - The Desire to Escape a Linear Life

We face challenges, nobody has immunity from this. I love how Greg Plitt said we must crawl or walk through the mud, in order to reach the higher ground in life. Some of us stay stuck in the mud, we maintain a futile insistence largely driven by fear, that the endeavour to escape is either too hard, or others have failed. The failure of others to overcome strengthens our belief that the mud is best to remain covered in, at least for the time being. Perhaps oneday we might consider climbing out. But for now, we embrace the comfort it gives us, the zone of which familiarity keeps us idle.

When I was 14 things happened to change my life, To me it was a downward spiral into the mud. I learned to cover myself in it. Things happened much more powerful and intense in effect than the event I speak of below at age 16. Nonetheless I learned to saviour the taste for many years like some forbidden fruit. I wanted to discard the fruit and my desire to taste it, but I kept hold of the memory for my innermost protection - the comfort zone again. Like a crutches analogy, I used the broken bones or injury but kept using the crutches for years after the pain and injury had healed. I was wounded. The original injury never fully healed, I still suffered new events, caused in large part by the infinite ache of the initial wound.

Reflection now is most peaceful. I can look back on this part of my life as the best Teacher I ever had. Perhaps this teacher was in essence like the book I am currently reading by Dr. Gillian Ross titled Psyche's Yearning; Gillian describes PSYCHE AND EROS.

The story is phenomenal I urge you to look it up, if you are unaware of it.

A part of me was EROS, I do not deny my feminine love and spirit within me. Yes I am a male but the path some men choose to follow is to remain steadfast in their male traits. If I want to think about hostility and the cave-man desire to beat my chest, to pronounce I am physical strength over mind. I choose to remain unable or unwilling to separate the denial of compassion or feelings/emotions. Not all men do, I know, but many perceive the manner in which all men need to behave and act; much to the detriment of the male consciousness and actions.

I think of the wars and violence created from ego, the need to be better than others. The seemingly innate precision design of men's minds that dictates how we must always prove we are strong. We need to be the hunter-gatherer in mindset, we are the supreme source of talent, but we misplace it or abuse it by losing character. We are strong, but we are weaker in other aspects that matter more.

I feel a slight sadness for the many females who are trapped by men of such limitations. And the men who believe it is primarily the fault of the female, not the above self ignorance, that is the sole blame.

I endured this misguidance from the day I started to grow into a man, from the time of knowing I was a boy I dealt with other boys who early on - dictated forcefully the actions of this imbalance.

I recall one of my best friends in Primary school was indigenous, or of Aboriginal heritage. Or Black - whatever you would choose to label him perhaps. We loved the same music and got on like true mates. One-day the above male single-minded caveman instinct came to the forefront at school, when the boys for unknown reasons, chose to gather like a pack and hunt down my friend with hatred. They threw insults at him, started feeding off the negative energy of each other, until it was growing into unimaginable torment for my friend. What could I do? I found myself disliking it, the leader of the almost Tsavo Lion pride was, what you might term in America as "the Jock." The fit supreme athlete type that was showered with accolades, and earned a higher respect than the rest of us.

Everyone was fearful of him, due in part to the respect in a sense. I walked up and forcefully pushed him against the wall, grabbed his shirt so hard it ripped it. I put my fist up to his chin and demanded the Rot needed to STOP. The rest of the boys stepped back, in shock, I had never behaved this way before. I was the lamb, I was the perfect animal they always used to chase down. How could the lamb stand up and face a lion? Well love conquers hate. 

I will tell you more about that story, that Jock may have had supreme talent and skill, but he died at age 16 on a motorbike - going like a bat out of hell lost control and was killed instantly. I feel immense sadness he would have made the Australian Football League and been a successful highly skilled footballer. He lost his chance. R.I.P. Mate I shared many good times and memories with you - like the time you threw my footy boots into the basement darkness to scare me into going there. The times you acted so eccentric and wanted to release your inhibition you let off fireworks in your hallway when your mother was out ... before football training. Funny, loving reflections.
The other kid, the person I respected and loved, do you know what became of him? The origin of my story was around 27 years ago.

I will elaborate - years later about five to be precise, I was at High School. I was that lamb again. The other boys used to love to try and slaughter me at every chance. I was walking through the yard with a few weeks left until graduation. This bully came up, I had witnessed his antics numerous times on others. He stated simply "This is my territory." 

I smiled and replied (censored) "Suck my D...".

He tried to get me involved in an altercation, as I turned around to look at what I sensed was trouble, the entire school had already gathered in communal presence to observe. The gladiator arena had been suddenly built in the middle of the school for all to enjoy and embrace the mindless violence.

As I did this, another "warrior" grabbed me and pinned my arms held me down, hoping for the other "warriors" to gain the advantage of the battle. They did. I was kicked in the eye, so forcefully it caused bleeding in the eye that required later medical examination... it took months to heal and like crutches i used sunglasses to help comfort my injury. A large motivation was to hide the embarrassment because my ego gave a concern for what other people thought of me.

I came home from that experience just like a Bond Martini I was Shaken, not stirred. Well to be brutally honest I was stirred beyond belief. I was emotional. I was hurt emotionally, more than physically. I was in my bedroom alone dealing with the pain. My best friend at the time Adam, that morning had loaned me the album Automatic For The People by R.E.M. - it was a new release.

I put it on, with the intent it may just distract me.

Cue the song below, about track 4, this song came on, I had never in my life heard it before. It gets the best of people emotional - I cried. I cried and I cried. 

A knock at the door, I tried to get the macho man strength back, I could hear my Mother talking to a visitor. I tried to dry my eyes and face AND BE A REAL MAN. The Cure - what a band I loved at that time - BOYS DON'T CRY.

Guess who it was????

Just try and GUESS.

You remember the friend I related in the story above?

He had come to check I WAS OKAY. (Not the dead friend - Yes I may adopt some spiritual themes, but that pushes me too far into my former insanity themes.)

Reverse Gratitude, years later.

Getting back to the intent of my story and this blog, we walk through the mud. We do not need to allow it to forever be on our skin, in our hearts, and to hold back our minds.

To let go, is to let go of the things that prevent us from marching forward.

We can reach higher ground. We need not keep those crutches for longer than necessary. We need not be afraid of jumping from the mud pit and thinking life can be different. We need not fear change. We can build the life we want from dismissing the need to rely on excuses.

Birth - rebirth. The ability to die while we are alive in order to break free, and start to live without a cage, without restraint.

We have purpose, we have passion, we need to find what we love, embrace it. We need to understand that from pain can come the champion spirit to try and succeed.

You will fail, you will fall down, the question is, will you land on your back, facing upwards, so you can stand back up and punch your fist of determination at the shadows of the person you used to be? Or do you choose to lie face down and submit to defeat? Do you feel comfort in the sense of being able to take a breather and rest for a while? You might get back up when you choose, if you choose.
Or you can stand up like a fighter and prepare to take on the next round, with a view to victory.

You can build on the fact you are no better than anyone else. People may hate on you and think you have ego, or you are saying you are better than them. Inside it matters not. Inside is the heart you embrace and the passion that drives you forward. You can use the hatred or misguided opinions of others to; rather than stall your engine - to add to the intensity of the fuel.

Burn that shit up, take it out at the gym or whatever you use as your creative release. Stand tall, stand like you mean it. Do not cower to yourself to anyone else. The lamb can face the lion. The lamb can be remembered as superior - when the lamb helped and the lion simply devoured with the only intent for self-gain. To feed himself, ahead of the pride. To nourish himself. To reward himself at the expense of the others, including family and the entire tribe.

I have become what I tried to seek in my teenage years through experimentation - Comfortably Numb.

I always wanted the ability to have thick skin, to numb myself from what others thought and said about me. How I was perceived by anyone and everyone. I was a puppet pulled by my strings of conformity; to act like the rest... Not be unique. To be someone that just went through life without ever proving anything of value. Someone that never did anything. Someone in essence, who did not matter. A waste. Just a passenger on a train you glance at from your stranger's perspective - you may ponder me, my life, and never remember or think of me again.

I have gained the ultimate sense of comfortable numbness now in mind and body. I am stronger than I used to be. I am happy. I am me. I am a true divine source of love to myself, and I love to project that love from my heart to others. I might also add a reflection on that early school - a female teacher for reasons unknown to common sense, pondered and raised the question to the class, who is the best looking male here? The general consensus was in favour of the Jock. He had everything. Except to me, a brain. The teacher cast her eyes at me and said Oh but Colin is pretty attractive, he is quite cute, quite beautiful for a boy - BUT HE HAS NO BRAINS TO MATCH IT.
I add this out of no resentment or bitterness but to add another aspect - you are told things in the years of growth that help turn you into an adult, the things that shape and mould you. They truly define who you become your strength your desires your beliefs. If you are told things like - you will never be anything, you will never be successful, you are stupid, you are dumb, you will never be smart enough to finish university - you will never become a champion athlete - you are not as great as the person they believe is the best - you have weaknesses - you have attributes of failure, you will end up with a career shovelling fish guts at the wharf, I will add something and please forgive me for using this language - F**KING DISMISS THAT $HIT. 

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this mental journey, I took a seat on a train I once had a short trip - just to show others what that journey was like, and where the destination may lie. You can choose where your train heads, you cannot change where it came from, the people it picked up, the passengers good and bad along the way. The people who got off at certain stops. The people who smoked in your face when you tried to quit. The people who cast glances and made judgements who did not even know you. The people who told you to act in accordance with their beliefs. The passengers perhaps the female who smiled ever so lovingly and you both got talking. You formed a relationship you fell in love -it died- she got off. You felt sad. You kept on the train. You remembered her for the next hundred stops ahead or thousand. You hoped to see her step back on, She never did. The times you needed your earphones in to numb the emotions, the worrying. The anxiety that crippled you. Anything to dilute the fear you felt. The pain you tried to silence, but it always spoke in whispers. At times it shouted so loudly it made you deaf for long periods of time. But it was a constant companion you did not want always sitting beside you. You wanted it to leave but it kept talking and talking. It never stopped. The passenger known as a lack of self-confidence that prompted the teachers at every school to always keep making me attend classes on how to build self-esteem. Then the decision came. Something triggered an idea. A vision or a Dream of a new destination. A vision to reach and aim for place you thought was never possible to be granted a visa or passport.

HAPPINESS AND SATISFACTION are at this place. Love spends every minute here. Gratitude is a constant visitor that pops their head in the door and whispers, smiles and beams at me, each and every day. Awareness and flow, Synchronicity. Creative abundance, wisdom, balance. The manifestation of all I desire and work toward. I will list the text on an album of paramount importance to my early 14 years of age pain and turmoil - the inside cover of MCMXC a.D by ENIGMA quotes:

THE PATH OF EXCESS LEADS TO THE TOWER OF WISDOM - W. BLAKE.

THE PLEASURE OF SATISFYING A SAVAGE INSTINCT, UNDOMESTICATED BY THE EGO, IS UNCOMPARABLY MUCH MORE INTENSE THAN THE ONE OF SATISFYING A TAMED INSTINCT. THE REASON IS BECOMING THE ENEMY THAT PREVENTS US FROM A LOT OF POSSIBILITIES OF PLEASURE - S. Freud - IF YOU BELIEVE IN THE LIGHT, IT'S BECAUSE OF OBSCURITY, IF YOU BELIEVE IN HAPPINESS IT'S BECAUSE OF UNHAPPINESS, IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD THEN YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE IN THE DEVIL. -father x - exorcist church of notre dame, paris.

Please take No religious perspective on that last one - I am simply relating in my blog to how if you believe in something one way you are forced into simple mainstream linear thinking.

Enjoy the two songs below, the first is Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

The second is the magic of the song that made my river flow. R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts. I will add that years later I learned that the drummer Bill Berry wrote a majority of the lyrics with large input from the rest of the band. Michael Stipe I think once said this song he desired the intention of it: to help kids through school who had endured hell. To help prevent that kid from perhaps slashing his or her wrists. To encourage them the act of throwing their hand and giving up was not the solution.

That river that flowed from listening to the song was something fraught with pain, I never wanted to swim in it, but now I can reflect on the act of cleansing it encouraged. 

Bless you all and Namaste.

To Judge or Not to Judge? THAT is the Question!

Just wanted to share some thoughts this morning, free style. On that note, I saw a beat boxer in the city last week, doing his thing. He no doubt draws some interesting thoughts and makes certain impressions on the people walking past - But you know what? He is loving his Passion - he has love and a skill so leave him be. If you judge anyone for something they love to do, it is not a reflection on the foolishness of what they do; but a mirrored reflection of the person you are. You are projecting things within yourself and creating a judgement from You - Not from their behaviour. If you need to forgive someone in life - you must have judged in order to want it.

On this note, Wayne W. Dyer and Louise L. Hay speak of forgiveness, my dear Mother when I discussed the concept - her first blurted question was I CANNOT FORGIVE anyone who has hurt me AND ALLOW THEM BACK INTO MY LIFE!!!
No worries - You are actually better off without them in your life - they are a negative energy but what you need to address is to forgive them in your heart and mind, and let go of the pain. Holding onto that pain, is like Wayne describes as the snake bite - You can say Yes the snake bit me, I recognise this, but I will not allow the venom to slowly eat away at me and poison me until death.
I know from experience, hell we ALL DO, just how toxic and unbearable that venom can be.

Think of the ex-partner you turned against, the friend who shafted you, the co-worker who spreads lies or gossips about you - the friend who talks shit behind your back - and smiles with the grace of God when they walk up to you, like butter would not melt in their mouth?
I laughed so hard when Wayne says these people can be in your life and stick around just like those stubborn turds THAT REFUSE TO FLUSH. No Matter how many times you flush the toilet they seem to re-appear or just refuse to allow the plumbing system to work it's magic!!

I can hear you say you cannot possibly forgive someone who has hurt you so badly, a man talked about wanting to go and urinate on his Father's Grave - Wayne simply answered that yes he felt the same at a point, and then made the emphasis that perhaps learn to change your thought process on why this person came into your life - was this person actually in some strange way, sent as a teacher to draw you toward becoming a better You. To help direct you on your path?
You can look at the negative expressions from EVERYONE in your life as a lesson. Something you can learn from. I have a particularly bad nasty neighbour, I have discussed her briefly before, but now I have learned to accept who she is, and understand in a way the reasons she acts like she does. Rather than want to murder her or allow her to cause me such agony in emotions and feelings, I now think of her on a totally different level. I send her love in my mind rather than invest in the venom or hate - I will bless her in my mind the next time she starts to hurl abuse and physically threaten or challenge me. I will walk away and not respond, rather than add a bucket load of fuel to the fire that has exploded many times in the past - and I must add TO NO BENEFIT.

I made this observation and had a thought about the scenario with my neighbour - I am walking from my Mother's Unit to my Unit and suddenly, once upon a time I used to assume she had a Happiness "radar", she appears and starts screaming her abuse - first reaction - ignore bless her go into my unit - yes I will feel shocked and slightly perturbed... but I have the strength of mind to deal with it. Second scenario - I answer back, with a reply I think will somehow make her see my point of view, or to shake her into seeing my perspective - To a person most unwell and out of control - dangerous. She will react like I just threw fuel on her and erupt, threaten to smash my windows or kill me and that sort of thing. How do I then go into my unit feeling? If it got real bad, and the police attended like they have in the past, this just consumes the negative energy into a sickness. The memory of going to court and applying for a restraining order to cease her constant attacks is not a memory I reflect upon as joyful. I used to feel quite drained and I was physically making myself sick a year ago on this venom. It nearly killed me.

I have found a calmness, a gentle sense of peace in my mind. I have let go of all the people I used to hold so negatively with containers of snake venom. To prove this, I watched a video by Leo from Actualized.org recently, he asked us to write down a list of all the people in your life - you currently despise hate or have strong judgement towards. He said pause the video, go write the list, and return.
I did. I had the pen and paper in my hands for over five minutes.
The names failed to flow. I tried to rack my brain. Nobody.

Food for thought?

Just so you know, you can get a plumber to clear those blockages and allow those turds to flush, the plumber is free - you do not have pay someone. Look at investing in the services of a person who can expertly help you - where do you find them? Who are they? Go walk into your bathroom, gaze into the mirror - who do you see? The ONLY person for the job - and most capable - they may not have the skills yet but they can learn as well as any tradesman how to do a quality job. They will have the plumbing in pure FLOW.

I do not intend or want you to discuss why you cannot apply the above, or the event or person that prevents you - just simply read this and you need not apply anything in life. But I can tell you, you can shout and scream the above is not feasible - and I will answer with the Dyer quote If You Change the Way You Look at Things - the things you look at Change.

Lastly a song - a dark dark song - we are not all into the light at certain points in our lives and I personally do not believe in shutting myself away from listening to music some consider as dark brooding - or even dangerous to positive energy - it is how you feel in your mind when you listen to music. I used to put on Slayer or some death metal when I had bad anger and mood issues a year ago... I rarely listen to it for that reason anymore. In fact I do not listen for that reason - that is almost putting the welcome mat at your feet to the anger and mood to rub it's feet and come inside, and sit down for a glass of Red. Spend the whole evening in your bed. Wake up beside you and smile as you regret the night before. You danced and entertained a most stinky turd. Flush them.

This song is by Sparklehorse and Danger Mouse - Dark Night Of The Soul. Let me know if the video ever gets taken down I will edit and replace it so the video is not dead.
R.I.P. Mark Linkous (AKA Sparklehorse) I truly wish you had found peace on earth whilst you graced us with your talent, showered in pain and hurt. You will leave a legacy of great creativity for the future generations to reflect upon. Bless You. Love You.