It has been an interesting long while - since my last Blog.
I have succinct reasoning to justify this absence of written expression. The main one being, I was reading Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, in my early knowledge quest to quench the thirst of insight... I did note that he said and wrote: "There are things that I, and other great people such as Louise L. Hay, will never speak of."
I made a video during some times of shift and turmoil, and it was intended for others. It was made after a short sharp burst of energy, that thankfully subsided as fast as it came.
I will include it at the bottom of this blog. Dr. Gillian Ross the main inspiration behind the video or the themes expressed, was pleased with it, however my ego show at the end and the music was not of her fancy. Very reasonable.
The music and creative drive really came to the fore, I decided to pursue further music/audio and photography, visual media.,..
I am creating a new balance in my life, I sat making that video for hours, and much to my detriment. I have quite a special new video in the making. The creative process has been refined, rather than excess it just focuses on bit by bit - build the foundation, then the structure... and a building of I hope beauty... over time.
If I sit on my glutes all morning, I now experience cabin fever - I get this feeling that anxiety is trying to creep back onto my back. It has not been there, weighing on my shoulders for more than two years now. That monkey can stay off my back. I will allow him jungle time, he can play, but not on me.
He has plenty to occupy him I am certain. The jungle can be vibrant and alive.
My mind is a more meditative tranquil paradise, as opposed to a jungle these days.
I did an animal spirit guided meditation by Teal Swan this morning for the first time, the one by her rather. I recently did an animal spirit meditation by Gillian, deep Yoga Nidra style, but it was to get in the body of the animal the spirit... not to source your specific power animal.
My first great spiritual experience of unforgettable magnitude was when I was around 15 years old. I was leaning toward the esoteric world - largely driven by my goth sub-culture desire and other teenage yearning.
Poetry, Goth, and the contrast of Graffiti, and rebellion... the artist, the writer, the mind. The spirit.
The insecurity of fear, the weakness and vulnerability of youth.
The wanting or needing to feel a part of something greater, but always standing from the outside looking in, casting a mere shadow inside the wishful circle for fleeting moments.
The wanting to know and understand, what I was born to do. What made me happy - was it drugs, or the 100 miles an hour excess life? Was it spiritual?
That 15 year old was invited to a Shamanic journey, by his experienced older esoteric friends and acquaintances. We went up to this magical house, in the foothills of Mount Wellington, I believed the home was owned by one of the rich spiritually minded souls.
They started the ritual and ceremony, burned some Sage and did other Native instinctive tradition. It was commented the whole room started to get this intense energy. Some said the earth was moving and the room was shifting. This was before we even descended.
Back to first person, I was led down stairs, almost like my artwork in a slight sense, to the spirit world. My power animal made itself visible. To my shock and almost amusement - it was a Polar Bear.
I was thinking you are joking me right?
Like at that age I probably envisioned being in some commercial for Coca-Cola - after all at the time I drank that toxic crap - was the spirit world poking fun?
That soon got blasted away when one of the guides in the room, (speaking guidance) - asked us, or prompted us to question the animal before us.
Are You my Power Animal?
This was the question. (That was the question).
Imagine my total surprise, keep in mind a kid from an fairly ordinary upbringing of usual concepts and earthly restrictions... almost forced into church mainstream worship. The bear replied:
You Are Me.
Enough said.
I got to reunite with that animal thanks to Teal Swan this morning. It was an old friend.
We are no longer just friends... we decided to merge. We are as one, not apart.
In keeping with tradition I will include a great song by an Australian legend of spirit - Xavier Rudd. Please watch it until the end - some of the most visually spectacular imagery ever caught on video from Australia. And in-spirit. Inspirational. Namaste.
I would love to share some thoughts on a subject I hope some of you might find fascinating. I have many female friends, I hope this can give you valuable insight into what goes on in the mind of a man. The male prurient desire - a means to an end? Why men visualise sexual desire and embrace anger, the reasons they act out on it in stark contrast to females is always baffling to most of us. Some are dismissive to the notion that men have a stronger sexual desire than females. But look back at history, a small reflection on the birth of Pornography, the slant of Prostitution towards gratification for one sex (male) must indicate that yes, men must approach it from a different angle. Nymphomania might be the female comparison and a most widely misunderstood pattern of behaviour. In men, it's known as Satyriasis.
For men satyriasis is directed by the ego, drawn from insecurity; not anything physical. You might be surprised to learn it can encompass, or hold within many negative patterns. It sustains the childlike tendency to seek attention and sources a feeling of greatness from conquest. Men who largely seek constant sexual encounters and or embrace anger/violence, are driven by subconscious soft-wired mind and body neuro patterns. Patterns are formed and when someone gains pleasure it can become a self-perpetuated instinct. Repeated constantly for the original source reward. We seek rewards or turn to Porn and violence or anger for many various reasons, like an addiction we think we find pleasure/satisfaction from it. We might find it fills a void, we find it dulls the pain or dilutes a feeling of loneliness. It gives us a sense of dominance over weakness. We think or assume we get reward from these emotions, gained from verbal and non-verbal self-talk. Talk can be sourced from the five senses...
Our subconscious interpretation of ourselves is drawn from years of formed patterns. Some of these are powerfully created during childhood and growing up. We are shaped and formed as adults, by the events and behaviours we are moulded into. For some people, both male and female - the fear of intimacy creates a strong inclination to seek relationships and pornography online. We are disengaged by the real need to connect, but we gain some sense of enjoyment from thinking or assuming we are happy. I myself am in No position to dictate or guide anyone else on anything, so I will relate my own story instead as a reflection on my growth and knowledge gained.
My childhood was a time of upheaval and many constant changes and challenges. Everyone has a passage in life that has obstacles and barriers. The path is always bound to be blocked at any given moment. How we move around that obstacle and proceed forward defines us, how we stumble or delay, or get stuck by that blockage is what keeps us in a place I was formally comfortable in. A sanctuary I would refuse to leave; mostly out of ignorance or fear.
My Mother taught me as a boy to respect others. I was encouraged to not be racist or judgemental of others. That failed to stop my mind and heart from applying it. Not in the racial sense but the constant judging of all based on actions, appearance, pretty much all attributes. I have been accepting of most choices people make, from homosexuality to drug use. My childhood and teenage experiences allowed me to paint a portrait I kept hanging on a wall for years to follow. Luckily not many people ever visited that gallery to view it's ugly disfigurement.
That portrait has been recently dismantled.
I will relate my reliance on pornography and anger during my lost years. This was indicative of the male I was ... incapable of sustaining a decent relationship with myself and others, not from porn, but from the lack of emotional intelligence to seek and understand how to gain it. How to sustain it is simply impossible if you harbour such profound weakness. I was your typical male, driven by the caveman or primitive sexual desire of wanting sex with those allusive female cave-women. Please excuse my awful generalization, I try to paint with words sometimes. Through isolation and being child-like in maturity, I always thought I needed a visual stimuli for my sexual stimulation, I must add, being single only enhanced this need in my justification. I was alone for a long time. You begin to think only one pattern leads to a quick fix. I will discuss this as an addiction. I will include a video by Teal Swan on why I refer to this in retrospection as a drug.
Things changed. With growth comes insight. I formed a powerful relationship a while ago that changed the dynamics within myself, in the midst of other rapid changes. I wanted to truly look deep within myself, and discover the reasons for failure in past relationships. How could I become a better person? More importantly become a better man?
I think a true relationship goes deeper than a physical act. The part in the Teal video where she describes two pieces of meat rubbing together made me chuckle. In part because it is true. You can engage in sex as something solitary or learn to adopt a more unifying approach. Lack of arousal in men and females is normal. The stereotypical porn visualisation of a man with constant libido, and the basis of what most of it projects in terms of everything, leaves a bitter after-taste in minds that do not even know what is considered to be normal and natural. The ideas and patterns some men form in large part to a lack of real-life wisdom, is inflicted detrimentally onto many females. You will no doubt know of the man who thinks he wants to be a movie star in the bedroom. Most of you are not willing to embrace being the lead actor (formally Actress in older times) in that movie are you? Some roles you might enjoy, but little plot twists and the final scene can rob you of your cinematic experience. Most porn is devoid of all emotions/feeling/romance and driven purely as physical visualisation stimuli.
I believe most men need to get in touch more with the desire for wholeness and inner balance. Not to focus on the macho ideals and be so drawn into the lures of ego and physical image. To let go of the primitive instincts reinforced for years by the majority of other males. Some men believe to act in accordance with one set belief and behaviour, is how to be a real man desirable and attractive to most women. This can be far from reality. The song Boy's Don't Cry by The Cure comes to mind, listen to that song. The meaning is obvious, but the way in which we practice the act of being a male is not always beneficial. It can be a poor projection to others...
I think of much conflict and death, caused in large part by ego, vanity, anger leading to violence through lack of understanding oneself. We like to blame someone for this, and point the finger, some men even have the gall to blame females, that they are too difficult or complex to understand. Some men who inflict violence on females, rather than recognise their own fault, they instead blame the victim. She asked for it. She wanted it. She deserved it, She had it coming. They also do this in justifying violence to other men. He asked for it. He needed a good shaking up. He was an idiot that deserved it. I punched him and ended up in court, but man that sucker was lucky I did not kill him. I will get my friends to pay him some respect. Nobody will undermine my manhood, no man can allow me to feel weak. No woman will make me feel weak. I would rather smash her apart then feel worthless. I would rather kill than feel inferior. I hate the stench of defeat. I will always strive for conquest. Dominance. Strength. Power. I relate this point not from my history, I have never found violence at all desirable or beneficial, the alluring aspect I fail to understand. I thought sex was to be sought and chased at one stage, as most of the worlds inhabitants believe. Not violence or violent sex that makes one person feel violated or uncomfortable, stealing from them whilst giving gratification to the other.
In return, the cycle turns back. The motor keeps grinding, stalling and failing. The engine runs on fuel from a poor source. The car body analogy again, it's nice to look at perhaps, but inside the mechanics, or guts of it - the mind of the car, is a wreck. The car might be fun for a ride now and then, but any long term travel is not desired by all whom have sat in the interior. The exterior was appealing, the force was inviting, the strength of it perhaps was admirable. We probably made a good investment in it, hoping that the motor was a good long-term prospect. That motor will carry my future and get me to the path I desire, and carry my children; dreams and hopes along with it. Anything in life that lacks character, loses respect. The car begins to choke with bad exhaust fumes, the motor becomes unreliable it breaks down. The car needs too much maintenance and service.
The damn thing was a Porsche at the start, now it sadly resembles a rusty junk yard piece of scrap metal. It serves no useful purpose. It once drove me, now it drives me away. It hummed, but it crashed. It broke apart. I am attempting to reflect this as the symptoms of all relationships - the emotional engine, the fuel that binds it, the motor that can stall or deteriorate with age and use. The car that was fun but now needs replacing. The elements that attracted us to enjoy it and encouraged us to travel a journey with it, are now fast vanishing and being replaced by faults and issues.
In sexual terms, performance anxiety and lack of arousal can come from inevitable failures in the bedroom, from both female and male aspects. The need is to accept life is not a Hollywood script, and not everything goes as planned. Some take the seriousness of expectation to heart, one partner might want sex, the other may not feel like it. One might want certain results, one may not be receptive to gratitude in acquiring this result. One may think the other has lost interest. One may think the other has too much interest. One may not like the intricacy of the partners fantasy or methods. One may feel neglected sexually, as if they do not receive the fair share of the pie. They want to consume an amount worthy, but the other has already filled the digestive system with the gastronomical delights. One may want dessert or an entré. The dish may not taste as great for one as it did for the other. The same dish may be constantly cooked and served. The taste becomes bland and monotony abounds. Monotony can lead to disinterest. Sometimes the taste of monotony leads to the once loved flavour; becoming eventually unpalatable. This leads to relationship tension, breakdown, misunderstanding, conflict - turmoil of emotions. You fill the pot with every single bad ingredient you can possibly think of, allow it to stew for a long period of time... you end up the food sticks to the bottom, the water has drained, the food it starts to burn. The smoke becomes fire. The house burns down in terms of unfolding events. You lose something you cherish, something you claimed ownership over - you feel you have been robbed. A part of your delicacy has been taken away by someone else. They ate it, spat it out, or even vomited it over you, in front of everyone you know. This is called resentment. It comes from encouraging the desire we own everything in life. We own the right to how others act and react to us. We should be loved. We hate it when we are not. We own feelings and the right to be happy. We get frustrated our ownership is at risk of being taken away. We have invested in it. We spent time and money on buying all the things that encompass the whole property. We lose the property and we stake a claim on emotional insurance. We want to gain the value back. We feel pain. We feel sadness. We start to manifest negative emotions that rival the fury of nature. It has beauty and we love nature, we loved what we owned. The potential to suddenly create total destruction from an event we think is not reasonable, or an act that we did not deserve. Why did this happen to me? I do my best, I try my hardest, but life or a God I conceptualise - why reward me with pain? These are negative patterns we love to foster and keep, I will use the analogy as children. We think we own them, and want to keep them. They are taken away and we are mad as hell. We get angry someone can abuse our children, or our patterns, and inflict damage on them. Patterns are strange things, we love to hold onto them, we constantly do. We love them and want the very best for them. Sometimes these children want to leave home, if you think about it, at the end of the day, we are never truly entitled to ownership. Anger, pain hurt misery are great examples of things we should never own for any length of time. Let alone keep as an investment. Hoping it pays a bonus one-day... because it will not pay anything of value if you always retain it. It robs you, it steals from you. It destroys you. You may try to nurture it and raise it in a good way but it rebels against you. Children are to be gifted and raised for the right purpose, if you feel ownership of the right that this child must grow up and act accordingly to what You want, and does not act in full accordance to this agreement written in blood, you feel cheated. Anything we claim we own, and we lose or we think is stolen, we resent it. We hold onto the idea our resentment is justified. It was the thief that took it, they should pay the ultimate justice. That thief can be another person, or a memory, or an event. It can be an extended emotion. It can decay us inside like coca-cola reacts with teeth. We pay for it with health as well as mind. Coca-Cola is a huge brand but it has power. Some people know the bad effects of something, others love to condone anything out of the basis of fear ...to stand against something is harder than to simply acknowledge it, and we wander like lemmings off the edge of the cliff called life. Blindly following the same mistakes of the person ahead of us. We had a chance to stop, but we felt the change in direction would be more risky or challenging than staying on the path. Dr. Wayne W. Dyer discusses an important principle that There are NO JUSTIFIED RESENTMENTS in life. Full stop. Application to every resentment you can imagine. No exceptions. This also applies to drinking coca-cola once upon a time ;-P Patterns above can be re-programmed, at any age. The science known as Neuroplasticity has proven beyond doubt the mind and behaviours can be altered. Your life can be changed from set patterns to new possibilities. You might not agree, and say you are trapped within the confines of circumstance, lifestyle, career, relationship, family or heritage... or the other billion reasons known as fears. Fear is something that prevents most of us from considering life can be different. Fear might tell you and confirm in your mind that I am preaching utter bull$hit, and you are happy as a pig in $hit with your current sex life and pornography use. or you are perfectly entitled to smash heads in every drunken drug fuelled weekend. You are justified to feel whatever you feel, you use it in the manner you currently live... whether it's right or wrong, who am I to cast my opinion at a stranger? Porn and sex might be used in a healthy way somehow for your personal circumstance. All I can reflect is what I have learned applies to me. I would like to offer a perspective to others that many might not usually hear. Violence is unacceptable in all forms.... but many disagree and the world whispers for peace and solidarity amongst a select minority. Love always has more energy over hate. You might come to realise that this is true in a new time or change. You learn in life, that to dismiss the opinions of others, when you feel it contradicts your own experiences or values... becomes a safety valve. You might want to force some pressure through mine to show how you feel disapproval. I do not really care. I embrace the opinions of all others, I make my choices through the teachers and lessons I wish to learn from. I feel no need to restrict the attitudes or enforce behaviours onto others. I do not feel the desire for people to share the same values and ideals that I now embrace. I do not expect to change or expect any reward from anything I do, if I receive a gift of hatred, I accept it...but I fail to keep it. I embrace negative challenges these days, life is not a pure flow of constant happiness. darkness is always willing to drown us, however we can choose to drown or swim in life. I was struggling to stay afloat for too many years, tossed around the intense swirling waters of my own emotions. I created a whirlpool of my own ocean, almost calm for brief moments, but thrown against storms constantly. This sea was polluted by toxic thoughts of which most people suffer, worrying anxiety, doubts fear and a lack of motivation. Lack of self-esteem and confidence. The lack of strength in mind and body to feel worthy that I could accomplish anything great, or that mattered. A feeling that to transverse life is to try and sail as I expected the course would map out. The journey was set upon a destination I did not want to arrive at. I for a very long time accepted that no matter how hard you can dream, dreams are illusions. Dreams are visions for others to attain. Success and happiness are prevented by circumstance and history. The things that happened yesterday will either prevent the sun shining tomorrow, or cast a shadow forever on any light that manages to filter through. History repeats. Life is sort of a box to be viewed from within, held in the inner realm by the confines. To feel safe in a sense by the comfort of knowing this box felt like the only option. Unable to view anything because of obscurity. Unable to see because my eyes and vision had been clouded by personal glasses I built and created for myself. The vision was blurred, the beautiful in life was out of focus. I could sometimes see it but not truly sense it. I could not feel it. I did not believe in it. I did not believe in the one person that is the critical leader you must turn to - yourself. You must turn toward yourself in order to see the reflection. Then when you start to open your eyes, and delve inward in a more positive manner, the mirror becomes reflected to others in the same way. If you keep that mirror dirty, perhaps through being unaware it can be cleansed, life remains stagnant. Walk through the mud to reach the higher ground, or just stay stuck in it.... this was my life. I was covered and assumed I was trapped. I can tell you... that is not the limitations of which this universe operates on. Try to think outside the square. Here is a painting I did when I was 15 during High School, I feel it embraces the feeling of the subject matter visually:
lastly after this epic rant I will finally relent with -
If I have a goal of this essay that started out as a thought process, I would like to entertain the possibility it stirred some thoughts within you...the reader. Did it strike a chord at times, or strike a match? If it burns, it can replenish. If it humbles, it gives light. If it resonates, I applaud you. lastly, if you read it all the way to this conclusion #Gratitude. and Namaste. Love, light and laughter. #Heart smiles.
Here is the Teal Swan video and as you know, I love my music with passion - a Joy Division song most applicable to this blog in title and substance.
I had some powerful thoughts recently on Motivation. I was reading a book about our Aussie Champ Sally Pearson, and I feel that Motivation is a huge driving force within all of us. It can be for whatever pursuit we attain it to, sports, career, athlete success, business, relationships... the desire to just make something come full circle starts with a goal, or an idea. A vision, an inspiration... a dream perhaps. Some of us are Not motivated. We are not particularly driven to do anything substantial. Perhaps reasons for this are varying, it can be the place we are at right now in life. What I want to talk about is what drives a person to follow through, and what sustains momentum? What essence keeps motivation strong? I will not go into excess detail I tend to ramble too much in my blog posts, so I will try to keep this short. Two main principles I have discovered for me personally have been: Discovering your Passion. I love this T.D. Jakes quote:
I believe all the primary success masters have adopted this simple mindset of - if you do Not enjoy what you do, that can be your career or job, or chosen interest/pursuit you will not succeed. Find or discover your True passion and it will be your true purpose. That is a first guiding principle I found worked for me, and opened up paths and realms of possibilities.
Principle One: Purpose and Passion - or Love.
Loving the passion, and getting such a high level of enjoyment from it, you are forced to always do it. How many things do we honestly maintain for a long period of time we dislike? If you paint or like writing Poetry, but you only get a low or moderate level of joy, perhaps look into something that draws your creative energy stronger - into feelings... not short term emotional reward; but something that feeds you the feelings of happiness and pleasure. If you embrace exercise and fitness but do not like certain activities, change the exercise to something you do enjoy, or change the mindset approach. If you do not like working at McDonalds, get the hell out of there and push yourself forward. If you are in retail, but dream of something big - but a family member or some fear holds you back from trying to think about something else - think big, shoot the fear down. Perhaps you are from a family that expects you to accomplish something according to what they believe. What they believe is right for you - You might be expected to be a Lawyer, and frowned upon for expressing a desire to follow a different path - ignore them - this is Your Life - Not Theirs. If you allow yourself to live under the control and expectations of others, allow yourself to be dictated to by the opinions; good or bad, of others - if you listen to the Naysayers - you will be doomed. This leads me into the next principle because you are held back by the above by a strong force:
Second principle - Fear and the required Dissolution.
Fear is the number one enemy. It prevents most of us from everything. It comes from the mind - but you can slay it. You can learn to beat it. Most people have fears of failure - what if I try and fail? What will my friends and family think? What will I think of myself? Failure will come - to everyone - but learn to embrace rather than hide and avoid it. Each little obstacle is just another hurdle you can jump and you must keep hold of hope, you and focus. You never know, the path might be clear for the next 100 metres until the finish line. If you think, that hurdle was too hard... there are twenty more ahead - I might hit the next one with my knees, and fall down. I will lose. I do not have the energy or strength left in me to reach it. It's too hard. You will not get to that finish line in life. The Motivation has been lost. It escaped you. The bad aspect of your mind won - it beat you down like a champion boxer, it gave you a KO, but the sad thing is - it was Not better than you - it was not a champion that beat you - it was a shadow. It was something within yourself you allowed to break you down, largely in part from your own negative thinking. I was listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival the song below at 4am this Sunday Morning during fasted Steady State Cardio - ... Run Through The Jungle. It got me onto the thoughts of how war time and extreme life challenges force motivation. I need not discuss or raise opinions about war and killing - what I want to emphasise is the mindset in order to survive and endure hardship - in order to stay motivated. I heard recently that a person who was in the Jewish filled death camps observed the people around him, he wrote or noted that the people who gave up, had no motivation to survive, usually met this fate. The people that had some drive within, the fighters that embraced a mindset of - I want to get out of here, and tell the world what horror took place - I will Not allow myself to die in this shit-hole. These people cannot beat me. I want to tell my future children and grand-children of the atrocity - so this never happens again... these people had something worth living for - a sheer drive to continue. The motivation needed in order to last... of course not all of them did survive; but the majority of the stronger minded people walked out to share the tale. The people who said this is it. I give up... generally one would be led to believe, endured a tougher time and relented first mentally. Mental strength is paramount. The Mind is more powerful than the body. You need to learn that success is based on how you think, and what you think - what you create in your mind - how you visualise your goals - and how you sustain the motivation needed. I will include a great video interview with Arnold Schwarzenegger on this topic. Place your attention on the mind aspect he discusses, and the people who speak to him of the desire. The people that crave on hunger and feed from it, as opposed to those who do not. Nourish your motivation with passion - feed it heaps of calories, fatten it up everyday - make it obese in fact. Fuel the mind, Research. Read. Watch. Listen. Learn. Be inspired. Create. Share ...Grow. and RUN THROUGH THAT JUNGLE OF FEAR - beat the odds and come out the other side Victorious. There will be times you will doubt, you may want to entertain quitting. Think about the reasons you are doing it - perhaps the soldiers in this clip thought about that loving wife back home, the family they intended to reunite with. Think about why are you doing this? Focus - and continue the march. Like I always say Improve the Body the MIND follows! If you have any questions I am happy to answer and help when I can, I am Not motivated by money or a desire to profit from my positive encouragement. I do not have a website that wants you to outlay large sums of money in order for me to feel whole. This blog is public and not advertised it is free and basic. I have been ignored by many of the highest profile fitness and health industry bloggers. I do not care, I will continue to enjoy what I love doing. Character is everything - arrogance and ego are ugly. I just try and promote my social media interests to feeding my own goals - the gratitude I receive from others telling me - they can learn from this. What I have faced and the challenges I can share - how I have learned from them. What I can show to others; a light that remains behind a closed door. If you want to open it up, look into changing things - start with an idea, a dream, a vision. Build on it. Look into mental fitness such as meditation and nutrition for the physical, get yourself active and help your body learn to love you back. Then things start to happen, things can open up. You can gain confidence. I was watching the Biggest Loser this time last year, and when the Trainers spoke of the concept - Let go of the Past - In order to move forward - I was thinking at that point in time ... How??? Is it possible???I Wish I could. Please explain how this is possible? Now I understand. Now I get it. You grow, the strength comes from the manner in which you learn and adapt and apply. With growth comes mass - you get bigger, mentally and physically. Stronger in mind and body. I am not talking about bodybuilder mass I am talking strength of heart, mind and body in terms of gaining true Power. The strength to start to view the world differently. If you want a truly great tip; if like myself - you faced some severe mental challenges and issues in the past the book called "Your Erroneous Zones" by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer may just be the blueprint you will need to get started. If you have faced challenges you cannot let go of, or just think the past cannot possibly be forgotten - consider investing in it - if there was one book I needed to read - if the world ended, and I was forced to hold one book for the rest of my days - and if the world was troubled - that book would be my gift to myself. If I can share this gift with one person and it changes their life, my work is done. like Dr. Wayne W. Dyer says: if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.
Just wanted to share some thoughts this morning, free style. On that note, I saw a beat boxer in the city last week, doing his thing. He no doubt draws some interesting thoughts and makes certain impressions on the people walking past - But you know what? He is loving his Passion - he has love and a skill so leave him be. If you judge anyone for something they love to do, it is not a reflection on the foolishness of what they do; but a mirrored reflection of the person you are. You are projecting things within yourself and creating a judgement from You - Not from their behaviour. If you need to forgive someone in life - you must have judged in order to want it.
On this note, Wayne W. Dyer and Louise L. Hay speak of forgiveness, my dear Mother when I discussed the concept - her first blurted question was I CANNOT FORGIVE anyone who has hurt me AND ALLOW THEM BACK INTO MY LIFE!!!
No worries - You are actually better off without them in your life - they are a negative energy but what you need to address is to forgive them in your heart and mind, and let go of the pain. Holding onto that pain, is like Wayne describes as the snake bite - You can say Yes the snake bit me, I recognise this, but I will not allow the venom to slowly eat away at me and poison me until death.
I know from experience, hell we ALL DO, just how toxic and unbearable that venom can be.
Think of the ex-partner you turned against, the friend who shafted you, the co-worker who spreads lies or gossips about you - the friend who talks shit behind your back - and smiles with the grace of God when they walk up to you, like butter would not melt in their mouth?
I laughed so hard when Wayne says these people can be in your life and stick around just like those stubborn turds THAT REFUSE TO FLUSH. No Matter how many times you flush the toilet they seem to re-appear or just refuse to allow the plumbing system to work it's magic!!
I can hear you say you cannot possibly forgive someone who has hurt you so badly, a man talked about wanting to go and urinate on his Father's Grave - Wayne simply answered that yes he felt the same at a point, and then made the emphasis that perhaps learn to change your thought process on why this person came into your life - was this person actually in some strange way, sent as a teacher to draw you toward becoming a better You. To help direct you on your path?
You can look at the negative expressions from EVERYONE in your life as a lesson. Something you can learn from. I have a particularly bad nasty neighbour, I have discussed her briefly before, but now I have learned to accept who she is, and understand in a way the reasons she acts like she does. Rather than want to murder her or allow her to cause me such agony in emotions and feelings, I now think of her on a totally different level. I send her love in my mind rather than invest in the venom or hate - I will bless her in my mind the next time she starts to hurl abuse and physically threaten or challenge me. I will walk away and not respond, rather than add a bucket load of fuel to the fire that has exploded many times in the past - and I must add TO NO BENEFIT.
I made this observation and had a thought about the scenario with my neighbour - I am walking from my Mother's Unit to my Unit and suddenly, once upon a time I used to assume she had a Happiness "radar", she appears and starts screaming her abuse - first reaction - ignore bless her go into my unit - yes I will feel shocked and slightly perturbed... but I have the strength of mind to deal with it. Second scenario - I answer back, with a reply I think will somehow make her see my point of view, or to shake her into seeing my perspective - To a person most unwell and out of control - dangerous. She will react like I just threw fuel on her and erupt, threaten to smash my windows or kill me and that sort of thing. How do I then go into my unit feeling? If it got real bad, and the police attended like they have in the past, this just consumes the negative energy into a sickness. The memory of going to court and applying for a restraining order to cease her constant attacks is not a memory I reflect upon as joyful. I used to feel quite drained and I was physically making myself sick a year ago on this venom. It nearly killed me.
I have found a calmness, a gentle sense of peace in my mind. I have let go of all the people I used to hold so negatively with containers of snake venom. To prove this, I watched a video by Leo from Actualized.org recently, he asked us to write down a list of all the people in your life - you currently despise hate or have strong judgement towards. He said pause the video, go write the list, and return.
I did. I had the pen and paper in my hands for over five minutes.
The names failed to flow. I tried to rack my brain. Nobody.
Food for thought?
Just so you know, you can get a plumber to clear those blockages and allow those turds to flush, the plumber is free - you do not have pay someone. Look at investing in the services of a person who can expertly help you - where do you find them? Who are they? Go walk into your bathroom, gaze into the mirror - who do you see? The ONLY person for the job - and most capable - they may not have the skills yet but they can learn as well as any tradesman how to do a quality job. They will have the plumbing in pure FLOW.
I do not intend or want you to discuss why you cannot apply the above, or the event or person that prevents you - just simply read this and you need not apply anything in life. But I can tell you, you can shout and scream the above is not feasible - and I will answer with the Dyer quote If You Change the Way You Look at Things - the things you look at Change.
Lastly a song - a dark dark song - we are not all into the light at certain points in our lives and I personally do not believe in shutting myself away from listening to music some consider as dark brooding - or even dangerous to positive energy - it is how you feel in your mind when you listen to music. I used to put on Slayer or some death metal when I had bad anger and mood issues a year ago... I rarely listen to it for that reason anymore. In fact I do not listen for that reason - that is almost putting the welcome mat at your feet to the anger and mood to rub it's feet and come inside, and sit down for a glass of Red. Spend the whole evening in your bed. Wake up beside you and smile as you regret the night before. You danced and entertained a most stinky turd. Flush them.
This song is by Sparklehorse and Danger Mouse - Dark Night Of The Soul. Let me know if the video ever gets taken down I will edit and replace it so the video is not dead.
R.I.P. Mark Linkous (AKA Sparklehorse) I truly wish you had found peace on earth whilst you graced us with your talent, showered in pain and hurt. You will leave a legacy of great creativity for the future generations to reflect upon. Bless You. Love You.
I would like to share my thoughts and emotions largely based on my recent decision to jump into the YouTube fire or cauldron. I was unsure whether or not I could do it, would do it; if I had the capacity or general skills and personality to do it. And how it would transpire into my feelings and thoughts.
Last night I had some certain dealings with a certain person. The video I made on nutrition or weight loss triggered a response from them. I initially thought the response was unfair and based on the poor attitude they reflected from themselves. I will not go into detail too deeply. It was on a social media site I rarely use and I was almost expecting to draw some heat.
The main thing is, after some lack of consideration, I allowed myself to blow up and lower myself to an energy level I am trying hard to learn to disengage myself from. I allowed the old me to hurl some serious old me anger back at the person. This prompted a feeling of thoughts and emotions after the fact.
I was listening to a Dr. Wayne W. Dyer audio late last night, as I usually do in the hour before bed. His voice I trust now always has this calming effect. No matter what the day has held, whether it was a day of pure flow a day of slight challenges, or whatever - I hear him speak and it has this calming soothing influence - it triggers an introspection every single time.
The audio series has eight CDs so I am never trapped by one set of principles or ideals to ponder.
I began to listen to him on his principle of ego and how he said something along the lines of True Nobility is not defined in essence by wanting or feeling you are better than anyone else, or in competition with anyone else - that you have done something better than someone else - it is defined by a simple premise of learning to simply believe this - I am simply BETTER THAN THE PERSON I ONCE WAS.
I am in the process as everyone else is - of learning, of growing and constantly trying to push myself toward that goal of :
Becoming the best person, to myself - I can possibly be.
Not for reasons of status or the reason to be liked or loved. I do not care for the acceptance of anyone else but myself. I do not require the validation of others to make me feel whole. I must learn to dismiss all ego and the desire to promote what I have done in the past; in a way or manner that makes others feel like I am saying - I am better. I am best. You tried. You failed. You did not try hard enough. I am not doing it for reasons to gain any form of recognition that is only to cradle my own ego. I must keep learning to try and stay on the outer edges of obscurity, to dilute ego.
Let go of the look at me, oh should I have done that video when I had a huge pimple on my forehead? What will others think of my odd deep strange Aussie accent mixed with Dutch tone... and a low vibrational Leonard Cohen monotonous speaking voice drone - and my rocking around in motion on my computer chair as I spoke... the way I pronounced Dyer as DYWER all this mindless negative monkey chatter.
The old me surfaced and whispered gently many many times. The thought of my first thumbs down on a YouTube Video from someone - who could it have been and why would they thumbs down a video that promoted healthy fitness food?
I really had to look within myself and ask - why am I feeling this? Why am I feeling these emotions? Just like Gregg Braden says you need to address this as Hmmmmm. I feel this, everyone feels it, how can I use this to assess a better path forward? You can never avoid all negative thought - it is simply impossible, even Louise L. Hay guides her negative thoughts like stray sheep gently back into the paddock of positive thought. We have the brain that is programmed from the instinct of worry - it comes from from the days we required it - will that killer animal eat me when me, myself Mr Caveman tries to gather a feed for the dark ages family? Would the tribe be upset if I clubbed Mr Caveman sitting opposite me to death across the fire? He wrote over my caveman drawing this morning - and it was a work of art - my graffiti should never be gone over by anyone. Sadly an indictment of our modern society the intense pace and stress causes most of us to be consumed by excessive caveman worry - but into things the caveman had no real purpose of learning from. The negative things we consume ourselves with in present society; we source and embrace, are to our pure detriment. It has left many carcasses of people who did not cope to lie regretfully behind us. I know I have been to some funerals I know needed not happen.
I applied the principle that Dyer tries to encourage most effectively to that person I abused. I began to rather Not think of them with disdain or negative resentment - I actually blessed them - they allowed this whole thought process to be triggered. I thanked them within myself. They said some things from a perspective I needed to hear. Some truths came out that I was denying. I felt Gratitude. I truly took the views and applied it as wisdom, You can never allow yourself to fully shut off from all opinions of others when sometimes those opinions must be looked at from a different angle.
I needed to source a video from the inspirational friend that made me jump into that fire - so this is her video that I clicked upon and I must share it - the theme relates boldly to some of my thoughts and my actions forward. And you know now how much I love and adore my music so I will include a well known song for you all at the bottom of my blog - enjoy and it has elements I am drawn to, in times of need the album it comes from is a worthy source of positive energy. Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars from the album Eyes Open - in my thoughts eyes open - heart open!
I AM WORTHY -
I AM ON THE PATH TO A BETTER ME -
I AM OPEN TO LEARNING AND ACCEPTING ALL I FEEL
I AM INTENT ON LOVE AND LIGHT.
Thankyou for reading, and you WILL SEE ME AGAIN ON YOUTUBE SOON.
love and light
Namaste.
The physical form can exude beauty, but personally I am also strongly attracted to a beautiful mind. People have misconceptions, they love to judge. I sit at the shopping centre reading a spiritual book, or intently read a self-help book on the bus, and cannot help but occasionally ponder the thoughts of others.
A male may have a desire for fitness and a gym lifestyle, but does this automatically enforce parameters of ego or a sense of limitation?
Anyone adopting self-actualization behaviour quickly learns the benefits of dismissing approval seeking, so the above is just a mere thought. As fleeting as the stream flows down to the river below.
As Wayne W. Dyer says it is better to be low like that river, at the end of the flow, everything else can empty into it. Remain humble and learn to let go of the look at me notice me, I must be constantly pleased by expecting others to like me. And what others think of me is more important than what I think of myself.
He puts it in terms of the world almost works by the 50/50 please factor. If you can somehow please 50 percent of the people you are doing remarkably well, but the other 50 percent will disagree and express disapproval. Such is life, and in a way such is the beauty of life, it would be monotonous if everyone was created the same, and we all exhibited the same behaviours, actions, desire and purpose.
I love the work and mind of Leo from Actualized.org in particular, I wanted to learn how to apply the ability of studying to my current life, and maximise it. It's a different ballgame at 38 years of age than when I was 16 and at college. A much better one I can tell you.
I loved his strong emphasis on the concept of intrinsic motivation. When it is sourced from within you, from inside. The "Growth mindset". As opposed to the "Fixed mindset". The fixed mindset I once owned, and many do, says I am not as smart as others. I am not as good as others. My ability to learn is held back by a lack of intellect or IQ, Or a brain that was half demolished by the excess of teenage spirit has no capacity to learn anything new. You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
He explains that just knowing some trivial facts will not serve you a great deal of purpose in life.
Understanding life is the key. Life is fascinating, observing it with the senses and applying it with the mind. Dissecting and analysing it. This is the foundation of all study. Every great mind in history has been generally curious and fascinated by more than one ideal. Get in touch with the fact life is deeply fascinating.
Here is the video that gave me some great insight, I hope it helps you.
This blog was inspired by a video I viewed last night by Giovanna Silvestre (ConfusedGirlLA). I have been blessed to have my path graced by her presence. Thankyou. I left a comment on her latest work Titled The Art Of Letting Go. I will include her video in this blog.
My comment revolved around how I was listening to Dr.Wayne W. Dyer only yesterday morning. I found an 8 disc edition of a work titled It's Never Crowded Along The Extra Mile (ten secrets for success and inner peace audio).
He speaks of how he rarely gave endorsements, but when he heard a tape by Caroline Myss who was just starting on her journey, he was motivated to credit her. Her work was discussing Why People Don't Heal.
Wayne's thoughts are that most people are too powerfully bonded to the wounds of their past.
I will use my crutches analogy, you can break a bone and recover - but why would you want to keep using the crutches long after the injury has gone?
Someone in my life did this, they actually wanted to keep using real crutches after the bone had mended because they felt comfort or some sense of safety in it.
Wayne says you can change anything in your life - In the now. Anything can be changed. One thing that cannot be changed is your history. Your past. He says about 80 percent of most people spend most mental energy on either trying to change or allowing the memory to upset them. It holds them back. It keeps them stuck and prevents future hope.
He mentions how you may meet someone, within about five minutes of talking to them, they tell you they are an alcoholic, or they were sexually abused. They had a Father who walked out on them. Or they lived in an orphanage, or came from a poor background. They suffer depression.
He explains this is all very well, they are not expected to shut this out and forget it or say it never happened. They are not expected to disregard it. But it is a calling card it keeps holding them back.
I am learning this myself, only recently I wrote about my history.
From what Wayne advises this is great, get it out and help other people with your story. But when you have moved on let it go. No need to discuss it constantly anymore.
So my blogs will not focus on some of my former past. I have moved on rapidly in recent times. I still found myself leaning ever slightly on those crutches. Now they have been returned to the hospital, in order for someone in true need to use them, in my mind.
This title of Giovanna's video made me think of my good friend Dr. Gillian Ross, she did the Relaxation or Meditation CD titled The Art Of Letting Go, which I discovered around six months ago. The benefits of Meditation in letting go are touched upon at the end of the video by Giovanna. If you would like to look into this CD, I must add, Giovanna was unaware of it - released by a wellbeing expert in Australia, but I urge anyone that needs some healing to look it up link:
I will also include a song that touched me powerfully the other morning, it is my new theme song for personal development and I had never absorbed the lyrics before, It applies in every essence to this post. Please let me know if the video gets taken down, it is made by a fan and uses footage from movies if so I will edit and add another clip.
The song by Cat Power, aka Chan Marshall, is powerful because she has dealt with alcohol and prescription drug addiction. It nearly destroyed her and her entire career. There are some infamous stories of public on-stage meltdowns. She was crippled by demons and anxiety and has found a way to move on now. Her song was written during the time, I do not believe she was over this, but what you do reflects in what you create. I think her song represented what she hoped for. What was possible, but the title makes me think again of how people reject it. Maybe Not. I can change or I can dream of a better life - Maybe not?
You need to learn to change your mindset.
